Actual Date: Monday, November 10, 2003
Actual Time: 12:45am
My friend called me a couple of times today. I missed her call. I miss her. She sounded half-way between good and not-good. When I say that, I mean I think she was trying to sound brave so I don’t worry about her too much. My phone dies after two phone calls here where I’m working. I’m in the mountains and signal is kind of a hit or miss situation. Man, when I heard her voice, it was SO awesome. I couldn’t help but smile, even though I’m worried about her. So, now, I’m sitting here, watching Friends, thinking of my friend, and writing in my blog (which won’t be published until I can get a hold of an internet connection). I hate being away during this time. Let me clarify… I’m not having a bad time here at all… I just really miss my chosen family, and my church family… and my best friend. I missed it especially yesterday… I didn’t get to go to church. Wow. I really love church, and I love going to church, it’s not a chore like it used to be for me when I was growing up.
1:10am
I feel like I’m running away. I feel like I had a break-through with a past feeling (or lack thereof) and now I’m nowhere near anyone who I feel comfortable with to help me or talk about it. I don’t want to bother a particular friend, because they are going through a rough time right now. I feel like I’m back-peddling. I’ve come so far with my emotions and with myself and how I feel, that I don’t want to mess any of that stuff up… and I don’t want to disappoint anyone by backsliding and slipping. I’m a very happy person right now, and I don’t want to ruin it. I may be sounding like a I’m speaking a bunch of non-sense, but this stuff is all kind of jumbled in my head. Anyway, I need to sleep. Hopefully, I will.
9:45pm
Went to see Brother Bear tonight. I enjoyed it, but it was lacking. When the movie was over, I didn’t feel like anything happened, it felt a lot like an extended music video for three or four Phil Collins songs… with the some comic relief Moose plopped in. Disney is starting to reach… and they’ve used their same formula for way too long. At least this one wasn’t a tired love story where boy meets girl, but girl doesn’t like boy, or is out of reach of boy, or is evil. Then girl meets boy and falls for him, but then something happens to make one of them think wrongly of the other… yadda yadda yadda. It wasn’t a complete waste of an hour an a half, but I’d wait for it to come out on video, if I were you.
9:55pm
Friend… where are you? I’m using my powers of telepathy to urge you to call me. No reason other than to talk.