Why do I seem to attract all the girls I DON'T want, am not interested in, or would not be good for me, but don't attract the girls I DO want, am interested in, or would be good for me?

I'm having some long-time internal struggles... God, please give me a sign. I give it up to you.

Love, your servant,
Scott

Cycles

I believe that everyone goes through cycles, some people's are more pronounced than others. Women go through a very noticable cycle every 28 days for much of their life. Men go through cycles, too... just maybe not as noticable. Through my life, I've gone through cycles. My emotions are definitely on a cycle, not necessarily on a monthly cycle, but they are on one at any rate. Early on in life the ups and downs were about even, I had just as many "down" days as "up" days. They were mixed in together pretty well and they changed gradually. As life went on, the "up" days out numbered the "down" days. Sometimes I would hit a down day and flop right back up the next day, others would take me a day or two. Now in my life, I'm noticing that the down days are feeling even fewer and farther between. There are certain issues that I still struggle with, but I'm not down in general. I've also noticed that it's gotten easier for me to come out of down times. Sometimes I make myself, some times someone else will snap me out of it, other times it just happens.

Well, it "just happened" today. About two and a half hours ago, actually. I just found myself laughing and smiling and cutting up like normal, and I just felt GREAT! It happened where it usually happens... at church. I can't tell you how great of a feeling it was to just feel like I snapped out of it.

In retrospect, I think a lot of my down days are because I try too often to put on an air of happiness even when I'm not... so suddenly I'm unable to keep it up any more and my mood just breaks down. Sometimes we need a down day or two for no reason... and sometimes they help us to really appreciate things better.

All I can say is that I really needed tonight.

Versus

Is it worse to have to censor yourself or have someone else censor you?

For those of you who watch what you eat. Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like.

Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Have you ever just felt incredibly grateful for knowing someone? I have... and I do.

I made my first attempt at making a new dish tonight. Chili. I kept it pretty simple so that I had some basis to go off of for next time I make it... so it wasn't too hot... just hot enough. It actually could've been a little bit spicier. But it tasted great, and it turns out that it can be made pretty quickly, too. (took me about 45 minutes, but that's because I didn't exactly know what I was doing, plus I made cornbread and waited for that to be done). I actually made it with ground turkey instead of ground beef, and it was great. I can't wait to make some again sometime!

I would like to thank the following people for introducing me to - and encouraging my love for - chili...

Jon Adams
Erin Adams
Amber Henry

That is all. Thank you.

Last night a friend of mine was baptised. I'm extremely proud of her. After that service, she and a bunch of our friends went out to eat. Now, I haven't been eating out or doing a lot of stuff because money is REALLY tight for me right now. I went to eat with everyone but I was just going to have water and just go and hang out. My friend and her new roommate conspired and bought me food without my knowledge. Now, it was actually the roommate (who I barely know) that I later found out actually bought my meal. I had tried to keep it low key so as not to attract any special attention or anything... I didn't want (and I didn't want anyone else) to make a big deal out of it. I thanked her greatly. On the way home, my eyes actually watered up a little bit. No one has ever shown me that brand of kindness and caring before. I barely knew her, and she paid for my dinner without a thought. I guess what I've been brought up thinking really is true... God will provide. She was just an instrument.

Thanks God, and thanks to my friend and her roommate. Bless you both.

Small fish in a small pond... etc. [UPDATE] --- (the update has been updated) --

I feel a LOT better after today's services, I got a lot of compliments. Lisa Moss, the head of the lighting team, came up to the booth after the first service this morning and told me that I did an excellent job and that I did some really neat things for the service and during the songs. She praised me pretty highly, and I must say that I was extremely pleased with the end product. I was able to fix a couple things this morning before the services and it made life so much easier.

I had a great day, except that one person who I really would've like to have been there... wasn't.

I understand that I'm not the center of this person's world, and understand that they have a life, though... and I'm not mad, and my day wasn't ruined. It just would've been nicer for that person to have been there.

Small fish in a small pond to small fish in a BIG pond...

Setup and Ran lights for the first time for what had been called by some "big church", in other words, the regular weekend services (when TheWell was still around). The setup seemed a lot better or more organized, or maybe there were just more people there to help... but after the setup, I felt very helpless and very nervous. I feel like it was the worst job I've ever done running a light board, and yet, I still got compliments... I don't know what I was doing. I wasn't even this nervous when I ran lights the first time for TheWell. I guess for TheWell, I had a lot more free reign. There are more constraints on what you can, can't, should, and shouldn't do for the regular services... maybe that got me all flustered, who knows. Hopefully tomorrow morning will go better. Please, God.

What happened to the friends who were ready to do anything at just a whim? Where are you guys? Am I the only one left?

Irrational Fears

Most of you who read my blog know what kind of business I'm in, but in case you don't, here goes:

I'm a Lighting Technician/Designer for stage productions. I've worked professionally for three summers at Jenny Wiley Theatre; worked for money, credit, and for the pleasure of it at EKU Theatre; worked at Studio Players for the experience (free); worked for minimum wage and free food at the Center for Rural and Economic development in Somerset, KY; and give back to the One who has given me these wonderful gifts, talents, and tools by giving my time to Crossroads Christian Church. I've had to work in different conditions and environments. I've dangled by a harness from over 35 feet in the air, I've kept myself from falling from such heights as well with just the use of one hand. I have NEVER been afraid of the heights I have worked in. Growing up, I was fairly phobic of high places, but overcame that through working in theatres.

This semester, I've been working in the theatre department as part of a work study program (financial aid). I was working today, and I had to go up to an area of the theatre called the grid. It's usually the highest point of the theatre, directly above the stage where all the pipes (batons) are hanging from. All the lights were out on the grid, and I had to grab some cable from up there. I climbed over 90 feet to the grid, and when I got up there, my heart started pounding wildly, my pulse raced, my mouth became dry, and I felt a little light-headed (which isn't good at heights). I made my way back down to the ground and just laughed at myself... fear is so irrational. There was no point to my fear. I was perfectly safe, there was very little chance of my falling over 90 feet to the stage floor. The steel slats were spaced apart just wide enough that your foot WON'T fit through it. There are a couple of larger spaces that only someone half as skinny as myself would fit through, and even then, it'd be VERY difficult to fall through them. Nonetheless, I was frightened. I told my boss/professor about it, and he went up, and y'know... everything looks different when you put in working light bulbs and everything is lit up.

I was able to go back up and complete my job without any anxiety. Proving to myself that it was a VERY irrational fear. And I remain undaunted.

I shouldn't be allowed around people.

Before and After

I haven't had a haircut in almost three months (a lot longer than I usually wait) and my hair was getting a bit long. Here I am [on the left] before the hair cut (photo is right after a shower)... and yes, I am completely naked at time of photo.

And thanks to my good friend, Stephanie, I was introduced to Johnny at Studio V in Lexington. I resisted the new hairstyle at first, but eventually I got used to it, and eventually even really liked it. I went back to Johnny on Tuesday, and got another great hair cut, and he's a pretty cool guy to talk with too. So here's the "now" shot [on the right]:

It's hard not to feel happy when you see a peaceful, bubbling fountain.

It's hard not to pee, too.

Actually, it's hard not to feel happy when you pee.



Feel happy. Pee.

To do the useful thing, to say the courageous thing, to contemplate the beautiful thing: that is enough for one man's life.
- T.S. Eliot

"What the hell is wrong with me?
Don't fit in with anybody
How did this happend to me?
Wide awake I'm bored and
I can't fall asleep
and every night is
the worst night ever

"I'm just a kid and life is
a nightmare
I'm just a kid I know
that it's not fair
Nobody cares 'cuz
I'm alone and the world is
having more fun than me
tonight."

"I'm Just a Kid" by Simple Plan

Today, I want to put my foot through the TV. But since I don't have the money to replace it... I'll just turn it off instead.

"All You Need is Love" - The Beatles

Well... that's all I'm asking for. I want love. I want intamacy. I want closeness. I want love.

Move over Karaoke... here comes Movieoke.

To alcohol... The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. -- Homer Simpson

Friday night blues

It's been a while since I've been home on a friday night... even longer since I've been alone on one. Now before I get the "it's okay to be home" and "it's okay to spend time by yourself", I do that during the week plenty, it's not about being alone for only 5 minutes with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. At any rate Friday nights alone suck. Maybe it's just this one, since Valentine's day is tomorrow, and I hate even the thought of that holiday... of love, of people being sweet to each other, of couples looking into their partner's eyes and knowing they are safe.

So it's just me, the TV, Doc Otis, and an empty apartment... except for me.

Here's to friday night's alone.

Some days I just shouldn't get out of bed.

Feeling kind of down today. Not sure why. Just in a "blah" mood, I guess.

I know this may sound very "guru" or "spiritualistic". But I feel like I've been filled with a lot of positive energy in the recent months of my life. And today I was able to "feel" or observe what kind of negative engery I had been filled with until that point.

I met with a good friend of mine whom I hadn't seen in a couple months, our schedules just never seemed to work out. She was meeting with some people for a few mintues (some I knew and some I didn't) and invited me along. When I got there and was sitting in their company, I felt really rediculous and out of place. I could feel somehow that these energies (mine and theirs) were not in cooperation with each other. Have I grown that much? I don't feel like it. But I do feel that I've changed to a degree that I'm very happy about... and these people that used to be "friends" of mine, well, I don't miss them (except the one I wanted to see in the first place).

I don't know. Parts of me sometimes think back to the "good old days" and miss them... but the more I think about it... my memories only fill in certain people in them any more.

Do I need to fill in the blanks? No. Do I want to? Nah.

Thank God for the positive and faithful people and friends in my life.

Just when everything's going well, some kid throws a stick into the spokes of the bicycle of life.

Some things never change...

Many of you may know (and just about as many of you may not care) that from August to December, I took a semester off from college. A very healthy one, in fact.

A quick run down of the past few years of my life [until this point] would look like a lot of depression, hate, anger, hope, more depression, funks, crashes, loss, gain, more loss, and some good moments. Starting in October of 2003, I became really involved with Crossroads Christian Church. There I re-learned what friendships and grace and compassion were, and that they do exist in more than just two people. Thanks to a lot of people that I met there, I've learned a lot about myself, been given a lot of good advice, and am able to make it through my day without feeling like there's some impending doom around the corner just waiting for me to walk by so it can beat the crap out of me. Stephanie, my ever-faithful, beautiful, and loving friend has seen it all, and helped me through most of it. Some of the folks from Crossroads that took me in or taught me some well needed lessons about life were some of the same people that I know read this blog. For one, Patrick. Thanks man, and sorry for the crap I pulled... I am an ass. Aside from those two... Dave, Jon, Matt, Eric, and Ira have all been really awesome and helpful along the way.

Back to the story... EKU Theatre was a big part of all this crap... not the department, or the professors, or the classes, but the students. Negative, negative, mean, bitter people. I started working this past week at the theatre for financial aid... federal work study. It's great, I get paid for doing what I enjoy doing. I haven't talked with many people around the theatre except the technical professor (my "boss"). I get a unique view of things going on in the actual theatre space while people are working because I'm 35 (or more) feet in the air above their heads on the catwalks working on the lights. Nothing has changed... no body has any degree of a work ethic... people just goof off and flirt (I'm all about flirting, but if it keeps the job from getting done or people being ANY amount of productive, it's too much. It makes me laugh SO much to think that I used to really care what a lot of those people thought about me. I'm very glad I'm not in rehearsals with them, or in classes with them. I'm very excited at how my life has changed, how much I feel I've grown. I love my friends. I love my life. I love my God. Because through my friends and through me, he has made everything possible.

And there's a piece of me that anytime I see some of the people there, I think... I've done this "out there", I know I can make it, will you ever make it? And a small part of me hopes not... a bigger part of me feels sad knowing that most of them won't.

There are two things in the previous post that are NOT true. Which do YOU think they are?

Things I've done for money

I figure enough time has passed since the last time many of you have seen a post like this, so I'd give it a try.

• acted like a fool in front of a bunch of girls
• worked backstage for a show
• designed lights for a show
• watched naked women running around
• worked in a pharmacy
• acted like a fool onstage
• designed a webpage
• stage managed a show
• sold myself
• got good grades
• did yard work
• worked in a "pharmacy"
• drank water from a storm gutter
• designed and built props for a show
• cleaned bathrooms
• sold my soul
• bagged groceries
• pushed shopping carts
• designed business cards and letterhead for people/businesses
• laid down in the middle of a street for 15 seconds
• sold my possessions
• hung by my pants from 40 feet in the air
• been burned
• been shocked
• took shots

Weekend in Review

Ah. The weekend was awesome. That free-time-stealing-not-getting-paid-for-my-hard-work show is over, and this weekend was my first real taste of the freedom. Friday night was fun. I got to spend some time with a great person, and I went rock climbing for the first time at The Stadium. I had been hiking before, but nothing with real vertical walls, and the possibility of really falling. The Gorge had a few scary possibilities, but I wasn't worried about it. Saturday was a fun day. The first part was mostly lazy, and I burned a lot of CD's for someone who - for the first time, I feel - is taking a little bit of my musical taste with them. My friends have always kind of rubbed off on me with some of their tastes in music. But very few people have I ever musically infulenced before, so I'm helping her out a bit. The rest of my Saturday afternoon involved visiting the "fabulous" Richmond Mall and hitting Wal-Mart. That night, I went over to a great friend's house and hung out, watched TV, watched a movie, and watched SNL. Too much fun. I had one of the best times I'd had in a while. Sunday was another fun-filled day. Woke up and headed out to church. After church, I stayed for a class in the basics of sound and running sound. Very educational, and I'm really into gadgets and electronics, so I loved it. After that, I went to help a friend move some stuff into her new house. Then that evening I drove to Georgetown to visit with three of my good friends. I love my friends, but that's a rough drive! I'm always glad I go, but the drive back always is WAY too long (about 40-45 minutes!). I came home to find one roommate asleep and the other not home (probably at his girlfriend's). I made myself some left-over Arby's sandwhiches and talked one of my friend's home from Georgetown. I fell asleep watching the movie UNDERWORLD.

Today is a new day, and I can't wait to start hating school again! The weekend can't arrive too soon.

Watching Saturday Night Live tonight, I have discovered that Megan Mullally is a genius. I knew she was talented, and I'm not talking about her role on the Sit Com "Will and Grace". She has some great comedic moments on the show (W&G), but I'm more impressed with her talent on the stage... the legitimate theatre. I grow more impressed with her the more I see. (minds out of the gutters, pervs)
I hadn't seen SNL for a while, for some reason or the other... and it was good to come home. I still miss the good ole cast of the days of yore, but... every once in a while the combination of host, musical guest, and sketches just all seems to come together to put on a really great show.

It also helps that I shared it with good company. :)

Two Words.

Huggies Thong.

Dallas Nelson Glascock. My father. Died on this day in 1991.

I feel like I barely knew him. I wish all my friends could have known him. What little I can remember of him was the "running tabs" he kept for my friends when they came over for dinner or spent the night. He would alwyas tease them about paying their bills before they left. He was a fun man, I think I got a lot of my humor from him. I look a lot like him through most of my photos. When I look at photos I can definitly see a lot of him in me. My favorite images of him in my head are all of him smiling or laughing... he had a huge smile, and probably as big of a laugh... maybe that's where I got mine from. He was a great dad, played with me, tickled me, loved me, laughed with me, made fun of my mom and I for crying at a happy or sad movie. He was an amazing man from all accounts that I've heard. I don't think anyone who met him didn't like him. I mean who wouldn't?

He was my dad.

I remember why I chose not to worry a whole lot about girls and dating in High School, and the first few years in college... it's because relationships can really cloud up your judgement on so many things. I also withnessed so many failed relationships or unhealthy relationships or relationships that took my friends away from me that I didn't want to get involved in that. I think I've had more "second hand" pain from relationships that most people have had first hand. It's kind of like second hand smoke... you're not smoking but you're still reaping the unhealthy consequences. With relationships, you get to see all the aftermath of the heart-ache, bad-blood, break-ups, fights, etc, without any of the good stuff. I hate seeing people hurting from something someone else has done. It's even worse when it's something I've done. I feel like atlas some days being able to bear the weight of the world on my shoulders, and some days I feel like I'm nothing but this thin clay shell that will break if the slightest pressure is applied to it. Sometimes I can't take the pressure and just want to leave everything alone and not watch, because I can't bear the pain of seeing someone hurting. And other times I feel like there's never enough I can do, because I want to help bear someone's pain and hurting.

I feel so very selfish.

Some days you just wake up feeling like crap. Well, yesterday and today have been those days for me. Today, I just feel like laying in bed all day... but I know that's bad... so maybe I'll just lay in bed half the day. Company and phone calls seem to cheer me up and make me feel better... or at least it takes my mind off of it.

Kind of a bad night for card night, I guess. It was still nice for a bit. A couple people had to work, and one participant was sick so she didn't stay too long. My roommate made me nervous most of the night by having needles and his medkit out (he's a medic in the National Guard). One person was a brave soul and let him practice giving an IV. I couldn't watch. I have a sensitivity when it comes to needles and blood. Mostly, Card Night went well, but it was a bit of a let-down. I wish a couple more people would've been there or something. Oh well. Next week will be better, hopefully.

Couldn't be the lack of alcohol.... could it?

Hooray for Card night tonight!!!!

Superbowl Slip-up

Okay, I just want to take a small poll. Those of you who read this blog, encourage readers of your own blogs to vote on this poll.

I'm sure most of you are aware of the stunt where Justin Timberlake exposed one of Janet Jackson's breasts. So...

Do you think that:
A) It was truly an accident thanks to too little or no rehearsal of a movement that was to take place during a performance.
or
B) It was a publicity stunt to get their names into the press.

Short and sweet or long and drawn out... leave your comments and votes.... NOW!

Kindness and coutesy will only take you so far... eventually you have to kick ass and ask questions later.

Aftermath

Well, the show at Studio Players is finally over. The weekend nights are mine to do with as I please, again! Ahhh... the feeling is... amazing!

Lord, please protect my heart.

Not being able to sleep really blows.

New Packaging... Same Great Taste!

Hello everyone, in case you hadn't notice (and it would be really difficult not to), my blog has changed looks. It was about time for an overhaul, and I'm kind of restless tonight, so I decide to undertake it. I mean, if you can't sleep, find something constructive to do, right?

Well, enjoy the new look and layout of my blog. I'll try to keep it interesting for you. Any and all feed back is appreciated.