UPDATES, UPDATES, UPDATES!!!

In an effort to feel more comfortable with giving my blog address out to more people, I'm "lightening up". Also, I'm working on the layout and different things to make people want to come back and check it out. For pure and unmatched intellect and cleverness, visit Steph's or Patrick's blog (if you have the address). Maybe I'll come up with something good every now and then, though... you'll never know unless you come back. [GRIN]

Real Quotes from Real People... volume 1

"It's like butter and chocolate syrup."
- -Greg Chandler (describing how performances were good, just not good together)

PSA for the dorky

Announcer: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, YOU TOO, can look and feel cooler in less than seven days! That's right folks, in less than a week, you can feel on top of the world. All you have to do is rush out and get a truly awesome friend like this man has.

Scott: [obviously reading from a card] I am not an actor, I am an actual person who has an extraordinary friend. My secret is Stephanie. What's yours? [smiles a really big, dumb smile and looks straight into the camera]

Announcer: So go out, NOW, and hug a friend and thank them for showing you the error of YOUR ways.

The true testament of friendship #5.

They keep a couple of your favorite drinks stocked in the fridge, just in case you come over.

At times I wished I had a sibling or two, so I could be "uncle scott". One of my little cousins called me that over this past weekend, and it made my heart feel all warm inside... of course, I'll never be an uncle.

Holiday Traditions - Part 1

Thanksgiving: getting "stuffed" at dinner, grabbing some floor to watch the football game/take a nap, and then wrestling around with the little cousins.

The true testament of friendship #4.

If you call in the middle of the night and wake them up, they say, "It's no problem, I was already awake."

Greatest TV Theme Songs of all time

TV theme songs get stuck in my head all the time... so it spawned this post:

1. Friends
2. Greatest American Hero
3. Gummy Bears
4. Cheers
5. MacGuyver
6. Charles in Charge

Any that I missed? I'm sure there are! Send me some! Maybe I'll add them to this list!

Air Rage Granny Scrambles Fighters

Nov 26, 8:16 am ET

MIAMI (Reuters) - Fighter jets were scrambled at Miami airport on Tuesday after an elderly woman threw a fit on an American Airlines plane and flight attendants thought she would attack them, police said.
Reports said the woman was aged between 69 and 79.

"They said old," a police spokeswoman said, adding she could not confirm her precise age.

The pilot of flight AA-2133 with 126 passengers on board announced an emergency as a precaution shortly after taking off for Caracas, and fighter jets were scrambled to escort the plane back to Miami international airport.

The plane landed safely.

::: What is the world coming to when the elderly can't throw a simple fit on an airline any more!?! I mean, what happened to respect for the elderly, huh?!

My two month blog-aversary is coming up. Maybe we'll do somthing nice. :)

Any thoughts?

Hair Update

It's growing on me... no pun intended.

okay, partially intended...

well, mostly intended.

Seeing family is great, especially around the holidays... the best just seems to come out in everyone. It makes my heart ache, though. I wish I could be closer, so I can see my little cousins growing up, and to be a bigger part of their lives. It also really makes me want to be at the poing where I'm married and settled down and have a kid or two that when they bump their head, they look to me to see if it's "supposed to hurt" or not, and if they realize it's supposed to, then they come running to me with arms open wide for comfort. Someone just running up to me and saying, "daddy".

Yeah. That would be nice.

The true testament of friendship #3.

Someone "senses" you might be lonely or bored and makes an excuse to come see you or to call you.

The true testament of friendship #2.

A friend calls you in the middle of a performance to make sure you're alright.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Alright, here's a list of just a few things I'm thankful for... feel free to comment with your own!

Salvation
My family
My best friend
Crossroads n' Gang!
My friends
Health
When I allow it ... my happiness

The true testament of friendship #1.

Acting like a jerk and an idiot, and they forgive you and overlook it.

Eulogy for a PC

My computer has been on the verge of dying over the past week. The motherboard aparently is the problem. It's been moving a little bit slower than it used to. It can't run or play as much as it had. But I will remember all the good times. The jokes we used to share. The tears, the pain. The countless hours of e-mailing. And even blogging. Yes, my computer was a dear friend, and before it goes... I would just like to say...

WORK YOU STUPID PIECE OF CRAP!

Thank God for warranties and tech support!
...and roommates' computers.

Re: Previous Blog

Sorry, I just needed to get that out. I tried to say something a couple times yesterday, but couldn't due to interuptions.
I'm not saying I don't care how I look, I like looking nice. I love it. I like getting compliments and stuff, that's all well and good. Here goes:

School... all of it. Scott not a popular guy. People who mostly make fun of him and put him down... the trendy people... the "cool" people. Scott didn't want to become like "them". And change can be a scary thing. I'm a fan of change to a degree... I find it exciting a lot of times, but people just have to understand that changing how I look after I've basically looked the same for 25 years.. is a big deal to me. I know to some people it's not a big deal. It kind of makes me feel self-conscious to think that people think I need to change. Whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. So please don't think that the previous blog was some maddening rant... it was not.

Oh, and about the "forget girls" part... I'd like to take that back. I want peace in my heart and in my mind, AND girls.

When did I become one of those people that cared about how I look? Who am I really trying to impress? Does it really matter HOW I look if I'm not comfortable with myself? Shouldn't be who I am that attracts people to me? (not necessarily meaning in a male-female dating kind of thing) I don't know. I just started becoming moderately comfortable with who I am... and now I'm changing. [sigh]

Forget girls, I just want peace in my heart and in my mind.

Looking forward to tomorrow.

JWT/MAC gig: ADDENDUM

A couple days ago, I had to kill an actor. I gave him a line note, and he just refused to say "THANK YOU" like you should always do after given a note by the director or stage manager. He ticked me off. And I snappend.

This entry brought to you in part by Patrick Drury

JWT - Christmas Carol

Actual Date: Sunday, November 23, 2003
Actual Time: 2:13am

Final entry from JWT/MAC gig.
Our final performance was tonight, and we struck the set and props and costumes afterwards while the actors went to eat. From the sound of it, it wasn't a GREAT deal of fun, but I don't think it was horrible. I really enjoyed my time here, one way or another. I met some really cool people. This is the part of this business that I dislike most of all. Saying good-byes to people I get to know and enjoy spending time with. I'm almost sad to go back to the real world. Not only have I made some new friends, but I've really connected and feel like I have some friends that previously were only bosses and supervisors to me. I have enjoyed their company immensely. I have really enjoyed working and feeling like I am doing something to work towards a goal, with a team. This show was something I was pretty proud of. I enjoy doing this. I'm tired of college. I can make money doing this, and I'm making contacts left and right. ARGH! Any advice? Any thoughts?

No? That's right, you're a computer.

JWT - Christmas Carol

Actual Date: Saturday, November 22, 2003
Actual Time: 4:27am

5 hours, 3 Doc Otis’, and 28 games of Bullshit later…
I had a great time. I need friends that I can just sit back and relax with every once in a while. I love going out and doing things, but I’m a very high-strung kind of person, and I need to really break myself out of that, it’s not a big “turn-on” for too many people. I really need to find people I can just sit back, shoot the bull, have a drink, and hang out with.

Where are you?

11:56am
I had a wonderful dream last night. I usually have really weird dreams that I remember or seemingly abstract or something absurd that is a reflection on what’s going on in my mind at the time… and this could be one of those dreams. But it was very straight forward. I had sex with this girl. It was very passionate… I don’t remember if I knew her or not (in real life), or if she was just some amalgamation of my subconscious. It was one of the best dreams I can remember having, and as I was in that fog moving from sleep to awake, I remember having this feeling of closeness with someone. Then as I came out of the fog I looked next to me… guess who was there!?

No one.

Not saying that I want to have sex right now or anything… just that I’d like to be with someone who cares as much about me as I do her. I know I have friends, and one really great one in particular, but I can’t get what I feel I need from them. Friendship goes a long way, and I believe that all relationships should try to build that first before making it anything else, but I guess I just want more of an intimacy with someone than I feel I can get from a friend… or am getting from friends. I don’t even mean in a physical sense, I don’t know, it’s a very abstract thing I’m trying to describe, but I can tell that it’s there and there’s a desire for something MORE.

Well, until then…

Sex dreams are the next best thing to actually doing it.

Stay tuned for the Christmas Carol Blog-fest that happened while I was away!

Tonight didn't go exactly as planned. Church was fine, I felt I did a great job with the lights, but the whole movie thing... I felt... out of place.

Maybe I should have stayed in Prestonsburg.

JWT - Christmas Carol

The shows went much better yesterday than they did on Tuesday. In the evening I went to eat with a couple people at Applebee’s. The more times I come back to this theatre, the more I realize that the people here are kind of like my extended family. These people that work here aren’t JUST my co-workers and supervisors and bosses, but they are my friends, too. And, I think that people look forward to me coming back as much as I look forward to being back. I know someday that I’ll have to venture out and work other places, too. But I’d definitely like to think that I’ll always have a home here, at least as long as the current people are in charge are here.

11:55pm
Tonight’s show went well. We had a “first act” pre-show entertainment mini-stravaganza, where a few people sang Christmas songs and then a group of us did a small sketch and then performed a song and dance. The song was Bruce Springsteen’s version of “Santa Clause is Comin’ to Town”… it was great fun. People in the audience seemed to enjoy the cheesy background dancing and the overall package of the song. For tonight, my seven and a half minutes are gone… tomorrow is another day, and then, unfortunately, I’ll go back to being one of the unseen, unsung heroes of theatre.

I just wish…

Just wanted to apologize for not being about to blog as much as I want to... but starting Sunday, that all changes! And look for a special "come-back" blog of immense proportions! or at least it's gonna be long. I've been saving up all my stories, rants, and raves for you, and can't wait to share them.

Bloggers... soon.

Yes, the sensation that is sweeping the blog-nation... I, too, have the ability to receive your comments. I now have THAT power! MUH ha muh HA... muh ha ha ha ha haaaaa....... No longer shall I be left in the dark about how YOU feel about my blog. Now the power is in YOUR hands as well as mine!!!!!! Viva all of blogdom! So feel free to browse the past blogs as well as the future ones and give me a little feed back. Thanks!

Too over the top? Surely not.

JWT - Christmas Carol

Actual Date: Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Actual TIme: 6:58pm
What a great day! I slept until noon, watched a whole disc of FRIENDS episodes, went to rehearse a sketch for an hour, bought a few groceries, and then came home. NO WORK INVOLVED!

7:45pm
I’ve really been enjoying my time here… well, for the most part. I’ve not been miserable by any means, just been losing sleep. I’ve met some really cool people and I’ve enjoyed visiting with some old friends. I miss people and things back home, though. Which brings me to a very scary thought. What happens when I graduate? Am I trying to hold on to school because I don’t want to leave my friends? The comfort and assurance, the confidence and strength I’ve gained from these people is enough to get me through tomorrow, and knowing that I’ll see them soon, re-energizes all those things in me. I want to be me, no matter where I am, and know that I have a support group of some sort to be there for me when I need it.

11:19pm
I meet all kinds of neat, fun, smart people. People who I have a lot in common with (but not too much)…. But why with all these people can I not meet her?

JWT - Christmas Carol

Actual Date: Tuesday, November 18, 2003
Actual Time: 11:15m

People miss me… really?

I always envisioned that, if my life were a T.V. sit-com, I would play the part of a minor character, most likely comic relief and the kind of character that just kind of tagged along with the main characters and made a joke every now and then.

It’s nice to feel wanted. I like that feeling. I hope it happens again.

Ahhhh......

No sleep, only a few minutes to jot down a couple of my thoughts before I need to work some more.

I felt like I wanted to cry tonight. This job is SO incredibly difficult. Anyone who thinks they can do it better are welcome to try, and I'm sure they'll succeed. I suck at this. I'm no good. If I could equate a smell to how badly I stink, it would be the middle of a sewer surrounded by skunks drinking curdled-past-expiration-date milk. Please God, PLEASE! Get me through this. I know it will be great, in spite of me. Please watch over us as we go through the show tomorrow morning and all week, and help ensure safety and peace amongst the company. And give me patience. With everyone... especially now that I've been running on very little sleep for the past three days... and I hope that people I may have talked to realize that I'm under a lot of pressure and frustrated, and aren't too hard on me for some way that I may have treated them. I just want to do a good job, and have a little fun while doing it. njbfdhgjb .... sorry, my head hit the keyboard, but I can't go to sleep because I don't think I'll wake up in time, or I won't be worth ANYthing. ARGH!!!!!!!

Restless days, and sleepless nights.

This sucks.

Crunch time. Waking up at 9:00am and working until 1:30am.... what the heck am I thinking everytime I work in this business. The week before a show opens is crazy and more hours than there are in a day are required to get the show up and running. Now I'm trying to find a tiny bit of social time. I think there's something about this business to make you forget the bad times and remember the good times, or think the bad times ARE good times... or something else, I don't know really. Fortunately, I love it. And I'm very much looking forward to Tuesday. The show opens and there's nothing else to be done. I'll be finished. Then I can relax and enjoy the rest of my time here and enjoy the company. Now, I'm trying to unwind a little bit before I can go to bed. But, I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight since I need to be up and working by 9:00am. SUCK. Anyway... at this particular moment, I'm pretty miserable.

JWT - Christmas Carol

Actual Date: Friday, November 14, 2003
Actual Time: 11:22am
I HATE DOING PROPS! I love working with them on stage… but being a properties person is NOT what I want to do. It’s okay for a little while, but I get REALLY bored of it REALLY quickly. I’m SO tired of shopping. ARGH!

JWT - Christmas Carol

Actual Date: Thursday, November 13, 2003
Actual Time: 10:34am
I haven’t written anything in the past couple of days. Nothing good has really happened. Nor has anything bad… so I guess I’m thankful for that. The best thing was that I finally got to talk to my friend. I have this weird empty feeling inside me. I can’t describe it other than that. God, help me to fill this weird empty feeling.

I only have time to say one thing, but it's the most important thing to me.

I miss my friend.

JWT - Christmas Carol

Actual Date: Monday, November 10, 2003
Actual Time: 12:45am
My friend called me a couple of times today. I missed her call. I miss her. She sounded half-way between good and not-good. When I say that, I mean I think she was trying to sound brave so I don’t worry about her too much. My phone dies after two phone calls here where I’m working. I’m in the mountains and signal is kind of a hit or miss situation. Man, when I heard her voice, it was SO awesome. I couldn’t help but smile, even though I’m worried about her. So, now, I’m sitting here, watching Friends, thinking of my friend, and writing in my blog (which won’t be published until I can get a hold of an internet connection). I hate being away during this time. Let me clarify… I’m not having a bad time here at all… I just really miss my chosen family, and my church family… and my best friend. I missed it especially yesterday… I didn’t get to go to church. Wow. I really love church, and I love going to church, it’s not a chore like it used to be for me when I was growing up.

1:10am
I feel like I’m running away. I feel like I had a break-through with a past feeling (or lack thereof) and now I’m nowhere near anyone who I feel comfortable with to help me or talk about it. I don’t want to bother a particular friend, because they are going through a rough time right now. I feel like I’m back-peddling. I’ve come so far with my emotions and with myself and how I feel, that I don’t want to mess any of that stuff up… and I don’t want to disappoint anyone by backsliding and slipping. I’m a very happy person right now, and I don’t want to ruin it. I may be sounding like a I’m speaking a bunch of non-sense, but this stuff is all kind of jumbled in my head. Anyway, I need to sleep. Hopefully, I will.

9:45pm
Went to see Brother Bear tonight. I enjoyed it, but it was lacking. When the movie was over, I didn’t feel like anything happened, it felt a lot like an extended music video for three or four Phil Collins songs… with the some comic relief Moose plopped in. Disney is starting to reach… and they’ve used their same formula for way too long. At least this one wasn’t a tired love story where boy meets girl, but girl doesn’t like boy, or is out of reach of boy, or is evil. Then girl meets boy and falls for him, but then something happens to make one of them think wrongly of the other… yadda yadda yadda. It wasn’t a complete waste of an hour an a half, but I’d wait for it to come out on video, if I were you.

9:55pm
Friend… where are you? I’m using my powers of telepathy to urge you to call me. No reason other than to talk.

JWT - Christmas Carol

Actual Date: Sunday, November 09, 2003
Actual Time: 11:08am
I had to exert some authority yesterday in rehearsals. People in the hall were being REALLY loud while we were working on a quieter scene of the show. I had to go out FIVE TIMES to tell them to try to keep it down. Not the fun part of this job at all. Other than that, it didn’t go too bad. We were missing a couple of actors due to conflicts, and started about 40-50 minutes late due to an actor’s late arrival, but Scott did a great job of making up the time, and we were out of there on time. Not too shabby.

11:22am
I miss my friend. I hope she’s doing okay.

JWT - Christmas Carol

Actual Date: Saturday, November 08, 2003
Actual Time: 1:50am

Day One: Started working today, my first order of business was to call all the actors to remind them of rehearsal and where it was. Man I hate phones. I don’t mind talking to people on the phone, but I hate trying to get a hold of 25 different people to make sure they’ll be somewhere at sometime. Other than that, we had a production meeting, and then had the first read through… all the actors arrived on time. The read through went well, and some of the cast were going to Applebee’s to eat (and drink a little) afterwards. We hung out and had a great time. But alas it is now time for bed… too bad I have to do some paperwork first. Maybe I’ll get some sleep. Anyway, I’m outta here.

11:45 am
I can’t help thinking about my friend and how she’s doing.

11:50 am
I need this time away. I’m glad I’m here. I needed to be around some people who aren’t in the middle of some kind of struggle. I feel bad for feeling that way… but I know it’s something I needed. Sometimes I think God doesn’t really have a particular schedule for things, and sometimes, I think He plans everything out to the last detail. I would’ve felt even worse if it had happened while I was here. I’m glad He let me be there for her. Well, that’s all the personal time I get for today, time to work.

JWT - Christmas Carol

Actual Date: Thursday, November 6, 2003
Actual Time: 11:58 pm
Christmas Carol Gig – Arrival
Well, I’m all settled in here, at my home for the next two weeks. I arrived at about 4:45 and got to see some old friends. Scott B. and I talked a little about what I’ll be doing, and we took a quick drive over to the MAC to check out the set. Then we went back to the office and I headed to the housing. This is really going to be weird, I’m used to the housing being packed with people… but only one of the three cabins are being used at all. And there’s only going to be 7 people living here. Four are actors, one is me, and the other two won’t arrive for another week. Very odd. On an interesting note, I got to visit with a friend from two or three years ago, Beth Brandel. We talked for a couple of hours just about all kinds of things. It was fun. I went grocery shopping and believe that I bought enough food for the whole two weeks that I’m here. Tomorrow I start work, I’m a little nervous. I’ve Stage Managed before, but that was a college production, and it was cake, nothing to it. We’ll see how this rates in comparison. Good night.

I cried. I wept. I blubbered. I wish I had done that twelve and a half years ago... or even ten and a half years ago. But I didn't. I am now, and will... I have a lot of time to make up for.

Unfortunately, this will be one of my last blogs for a couple of weeks. I'm going to a place where I have very little access to the internet. I'm going to continue to keep an offline log on my computer so I'll be able to continue to share my experiences. So, until we meet again! See you soon.

Thank You God! For helping me to realize that something was broken and needs mending. Thank You for overwhelming my heart today as I left the funeral home, and thank You for my heart. Thank You for my loyalty and my devotion to helping out a friend when they really need it most (or at least appears to me that they need it). I couldn't have been who I am without You. Or with out your help, friend.

Overwhelmed.

Too many things to think about. I can't seem to focus on one thing and get that accomplished. I'm thinking about everything at once and I'm just spinning my wheels. GRRAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Day 4. Temptations come and go. Easier when people are around. Tough when I'm by myself. Hanging in there.

- "Love. True Love. Love is what brings us together today."
- Love. Isn't it grand? Isn't it lovely? Isn't it wonderful? Doesn't it just make you want to sing? Doesn't it feel like you're floating?

Just when you feel like you've gotten away from it, and you're used to being alone... that stupid baby in a diaper with the little bow and arrows shoot everyone around you BUT you.

Doesn't it just make you sick?

I'm an aweful friend.

Guilt. I don't like it. It's worse when it's something you bring upon yourself. Please, God, ease my soul. And please keep pumping me full of your strength. I'm going to need it more coming up soon.

Day 3.

I just ran out of gas again for the third time in my life. What a moron. I had just left my friend's house on a quest to run a few errands. My gas gauge read about an eighth of a tank... the idiot light had not turned on. I was driving down the bypass when my car wouldn't quite pick-up-and-go. It started to kind of sputter, and suddenly a couple of lights lit up on my dash console, and it became difficult to apply pressure to the brakes and to turn the steering wheel. The realization hit me, I was out of gas. I had the forethought to scan the road really quick and see how far away any gas stations were. I had just passed three and was coming upon a fourth. Fortunately, I had enough momentum to be able to coast into a Shell station on the right. God was really watching out for me, because there was no traffic between me and the station. I coasted up next to the pump perfectly, tugging at the steering wheel for it to obey my command, and mashing down on the brake pedal as hard as I could to make my car completely stop. I don't think anyone was the wiser, so the experience wasn't as bad or embarassing as my other two times had been. THe only bad part is I knew how my gas gauge works, and I ignored it... I tried to push my car to the limits, and it finally gave and I did NOt triumph... except that I made it to the station before it completely stopped moving. Would't that be funny if I had to call my friend who I've been comforting and being with, to come and help me now... how worthless would that have made me feel... heh.

Life cracks me up.

Day 2.

Lord, about 30 minutes ago, you eased the pain of one of your children and welcomed him into your arms. Show him around, and help to ease the pain of those that remain. Don't leave them, now. Lord, please. Stay with them. Wrap your huge loving embrace around the Seales family and squeeze with all your might. Please continue to help me through this time as well. It kills me to see my friend sad, although I know it is a normal part of this process. Give me strong arms, a strong heart, and a wise mind. Lord, You are great. I know Steph's dad is up there cracking jokes with my dad, and having a good time. Tell them that a lot of people miss them, and that we'll see them soon. Dad, take Melvin and have a great time... tell him about time the snake that grabbed your leg. I bet he'd appreciate that. Lord, we know this should be a happy time, and a time of rejoicing, but it's difficult for us to think of it that way. Our selfish hearts don't want to let go of people as the leave this world. Jesus, I just ask you to ease their hearts, and help Stephanie and Doris to remember the good times and think of him when he was full of life, and not cry because it's over, but smile for the time they got to spend with him. In your loving name. Amen.

My friend tonight told me that she was impressed with me. I was kind of taken back. Later I asked her, in a joking kind of way to explain, and it was just how I was facing a lot of fears by being there with her for this particular instance. She said she was proud of me. That means a lot to me. God really knows what he's doing, I guess. He takes the most unlikely things and uses them for His glory and to help us through things, or for us to help others through things, and by which, we gain unrequested rewards ourselves. I'm glad that it's happening, but even if it didn't, I'd still do what I've been doing. I don't know what else to do, but I AM going to be there for her. She's an amazing person, and I want to see her soar.

Tonight, for the first time, I cried with my friend. Not about her, or for her, or around her... but with her. I've always felt like I had to stay strong for people, but tonight in the midst of prayer and seeing and hearing her cry, I bawled my eyes out. I felt very clensed afterwards, and a little foolish. This isn't about me, and I felt like I needed support instead of being support. When I got into my car on the way home, I drove in the rain, but of course no one else was getting wet, just me... my eyes were pouring.

Guess what... still helpless. Why can't I just take and realize my own advice? I know no matter what profound and inspiring thing I may come up with, it won't mean a damn bit as much as me just being there. That's all I can do, or at least that's all I know to do.

I'm sorry I can't do more, friend.

Helpless.

They say it takes 40 days to make or break a habit....

Day 1.

Why must I be tainted by life? And why do people see something that I don't seem to. "Full of energy" "Full of life" "A treasure"

I guess I don't get it.

Today was a very awesome day. I woke up, got breakfast for a friend and I, took it to her, and hung out with her for a little bit. Then some more people showed up and we all spent the day raking leaves at her parent's house. Her father is very sick and her mother has been too preoccupied with him to be able to take care of their yard (understandable). Then we came inside and had a little bit of a dinner, and I came home to shower so I could meet up with a friend of mine from High School (Jason) and his wife. We've lived in the same city for about a year now, and this is the first time we're getting together... sad, huh? Well, we had a blast. When I got there, Kat (short for Kathryn) had made taco-type stuff for dinner, so we enjoyed that while talking a little bit... then the games commenced! We played cards like crazy, and like it was going out of style. We played an interesting game called "Unexploded Cow"... you really have to play it to understand it, and then we played "Spoons" and then Egyptian Rat Screw, which I had not played since High School in band class on days our director was sick or decided to give us a break, etc. Then we watched a movie to enjoy his new surround sound system. The second Matrix movie. Unfortunately, by this time it was 11:00 and I was a little tired from the days events so I dozed on and off during the movie... thankfully, I'd seen it before. The movie ended, I said my departing good-byes, and came home, and here I am now, typing in my blog. Good blog. Safe blog. Well, gotta go to bed to get some sleep. Tomorrow's another busy day.

I don't want to be a "man's man". I don't think I even want to be a "guy's guy". Sometimes I don't want to be "the guy who is fun to have around sometimes, and is sort of okay". I don't want a girlfriend, I want something deeper, something more substantial. I don't want to be the guy who meets someone and drops off the radar to everyone he cares for. I don't want to be a bad friend. I don't want to be a bad son. I don't want to surround myself with negative people. I want to be able to look at someone and know that they care, to be able to see it in their eyes, or in their body language, or to just hear them say it. I want to know that everything is going to be all right, or at least it's on the right track. I want to feel like I'm me, no matter what I'm doing or who I'm with. I want to touch someone's soul with merely a word or maybe two. I want to make a difference in the lives of the people around me. I don't want to be forgotten.

No. Nothing's wrong.

I have a really amazing friend. One who doesn't even know it, but she's cheering me up and giving me more confidence as I type this. She is an amazing person, but unfortunately, no matter how many times I tell her that, and reassure her of it, one person can come along and in one swift motion make her doubt most everything about herself. I love my friendship with her, because even as I help her, she (unknowingly, more than likely) is helping me along the way. Experience is a great teacher, but there are somethings that I'd rather learn from others experiences, and so I look to my friends, especially this one, and ask questions and just observe her in life. If I could, I would totally and completely learn everything for myself and go through the pain if it meant that she wouldn't have to. She is kind, honest, caring, funny, beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, and loving. I love her. She is my sister. She is inspiration. She is an asset. She is my confidant. And she is my best friend. I wouldn't want to be walking through life without her right now... or ever. I thank God for the great gift of her presence in my life... and through her I can see Him working in so many glorious ways. God is an amazing sculptor of my life... and thankfully he put us somewhere in the kiln together.

I never want to be without her friendship.

Definitely the worst part of being single is not having an outlet when you're horny.