I keep being amazed by God in my life. I ask him for strength and he gives it to me... right up until the point that I don't need it anymore. My best friend's father went to the hospital today, and wanting to help her out anyway I could, I went with her to visit him. All the way to the hospital I prayed for strength... because I hadn't been in a hospital since MY father died when I was twelve (thirteen years ago). I feel like such a failure sometimes when it comes to being able to say the right words or to be able to be there at the moment when someone is needed most, but today, I know that God granted me the strength that I asked for, and the strength that I needed. I went into that hospital and I was fine. Luckily her dad didn't have as many tubes, needles, and machines hooked up to him as mine did. So it was a little easier than I thought. I love her parents... they are some of the coolest people I know. Her dad, especially, has a great sense of humor. And I enjoy talking with them. Well, my friend and I (and actually, her mom, too) hadn't eaten in a while, so we went to grab some food. After we ate, I started to leave and my friend thanked me for just being there. That meant to me that I was of some use in this whole scheme of things.. at least at this moment. So I walked to my car, unlocked the door, climbed inside, closed the door, put the key in the ignition, turned on the car, and started bawling. My time of strength was over. All my memories of MY father came flooding back. Camping, Christmas, dinners, every day events, learning to ride my bike, vacations, golfing. Then... my dad lying on the couch with an oxygen tank. The hospital. Tubes coming out of my father, the strongest man I knew, lying weak in a bed. Home; My mom helping my dad to just walk to the bathroom. The ambulance in the middle of the night. My mom forcing me to stay at home to go to school the next day. The principal coming to get me. Seeing my Priest and my Mom in the same room. Then the years of hating God, and then the struggle of knowing God was right, but not understanding why it had to happen. Seeing kids out with their fathers. Fathers coming to see band concerts, tennis games, plays, award ceremonies, and graduation. All this came back to me as I traveled home. My strength gone. Vanished with the turn of a key. I cried most of the way home.

For my friend. I'd go through it all again. I love you, friend.