BERLIN (Reuters) - A German vicar inadvertently supplied his parish with dozens of hard core porn films in an unsuccessful bid to teach people about the life of Christ.
Frithjof Schwesig, vicar in the southwestern town of Lampoldshausen, had ordered 300 copies of a video film portraying the life of Christ as told by the gospel according to Luke.
"In a first batch 20 to 30 videos were distributed and we immediately got a reaction from five to seven people saying we must have given them the wrong film," he said.
"It was a real porn film. Within an hour our staff had collected all the videos. Really, all were withdrawn."
Schwesig said there had been a mistake at the Munich video copying plant and his staff established in a viewing session that night that 200 of the videos were pornographic.
Undaunted, Schwesig said he was pressing ahead with the life of Christ video campaign.
"It's extremely successful," he said.
Sunday, December 07, 2003
Saturday, December 06, 2003
Impressed out the A$$hole
... and that's a good thing.
I saw a production of "The Fantasticks" tonight at Studio Players. I have a friend in the show, and she was incredible! She played the lead female role, Louisa. Now, I've known Stephanie for almost four years, and I have always known she was extremely talented (even when she doubted herself), but I was really blown away by her performance. The whole package was there. Her acting was amazing and precise and flowing and natural. Her voice was strong and yet portrayed fragility. And, let's not forget that she was HOT! An actress that can sing, act, and has such beauty is a force to be reckoned with. More than this, I cannot say. I don't have the words to express it. I don't think they exist. I'm sorry to say that it's only running for two more days. More people needed to see this show, and I would've definitely liked to see it again.
I can't help but be incredibly proud of my friend.
I saw a production of "The Fantasticks" tonight at Studio Players. I have a friend in the show, and she was incredible! She played the lead female role, Louisa. Now, I've known Stephanie for almost four years, and I have always known she was extremely talented (even when she doubted herself), but I was really blown away by her performance. The whole package was there. Her acting was amazing and precise and flowing and natural. Her voice was strong and yet portrayed fragility. And, let's not forget that she was HOT! An actress that can sing, act, and has such beauty is a force to be reckoned with. More than this, I cannot say. I don't have the words to express it. I don't think they exist. I'm sorry to say that it's only running for two more days. More people needed to see this show, and I would've definitely liked to see it again.
I can't help but be incredibly proud of my friend.
Friday, December 05, 2003
Women, quit your whining!
It seems like the city of New York is sick and tired of hearing them complain, too
Tip of the Day (or whenever)
To create a link to e-mail:
<a href="mailto: youraddress@yourdomain.com.org.net"> E-mail me</a>
-to automatically add a subject line of YOUR choosing format it like this:
ADD: ?subject=My%20Blog -use the character %20 to add spaces.
<a href="mailto: youraddress@yourdomain.com.org.net"> E-mail me</a>
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Small Life to Big Screen - Take 5
8. I've been watching Smallville on DVD, and the guy that plays Lex Luthor (Michael Rosenbaum) would be perfect for one of my buddies at church, Ira Duncan.
Addictions
Curse Japanese animation!
... and curse Cartoon Network and it's [adult swim] for feeding my addiction!
... and curse Cartoon Network and it's [adult swim] for feeding my addiction!
Thursday, December 04, 2003
Blogtrix - Reloaded
I've worked on the blog for the past two days to try to make it somewhat more visually appealing. Hopefully it's not too "busy". Just wanted to get everyone's feelings on it. Also thanks to Patrick, some of his questions spurred me on to find answers to other questions. And the result is... well, you're looking at it. Enjoy, and send some feedback.
Open mouth - Insert foot
I went to the bank this afternoon, like I do at least once a month for a specific type of business. All the ladies there know me by name. Wow, this sounds really bad, but I must continue. I have EE Bonds that I cash in to survive while I'm in school. And they know if I come in at the beginning of the month that I'm there for that reason. So I'm waiting to get into my deposit box and one of the ladies says hi to me from across the room. And brilliant ole' me says loud enough for most of the bank (filled with women, mind you), "Yep, it's that time of the month!"
"Hmm..." I thought to myself, "that maybe sounded wrong out of context." So I say back to her, "That didn't sound so good, did it?"
The whole bank of people just about roared with laughter, as did I. I brought attention to my mistake, and brought smiles and laughs to over a dozen people this afternoon. That's gotta be some kind of productivity for the day.
"Hmm..." I thought to myself, "that maybe sounded wrong out of context." So I say back to her, "That didn't sound so good, did it?"
The whole bank of people just about roared with laughter, as did I. I brought attention to my mistake, and brought smiles and laughs to over a dozen people this afternoon. That's gotta be some kind of productivity for the day.
Small Life to Big Screen - Take 4
6. Y'gotta have Mel. Mel Gibson would play the part of my friend Jon Adams.
7. His wife, Erin, would be played by Michelle Pfeiffer.
7. His wife, Erin, would be played by Michelle Pfeiffer.
Card Night
I had a pretty good time tonight. I haven't had just a relaxing time hanging out with anyone since that Saturday night at JWT sitting around playing cards and having a drink... and before that... sheesh, who knows? Yeah, it was great, but I still need to find some single friends where I don't have to look at, think about, or talk about significant others for a bit. I'm very glad that people are happy, I just want that for myself, too. When you don't have that, but you want it, your heart aches... and sometimes you just need to take your mind off of it.
Small Life to Big Screen :: Update
Another possibility to play yours truly would be Seth Green. I had not previously thought about this one until Stephanie mentioned him to me, neither of us could think of his name at the time, but she told me the character he played in the Austin Powers movies, Scott. Coincidence? I think maybe it definitely probably could be.
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
Geez, that hurts...
Just finished watching an episode of friends on TV. One from the first season. In this particular episode, Ross realizes that the day is the anniversary of his and his lesbian ex-wife's consummation... which was his first time ever. Later on Chandler and Joey are let in on this and they tell Ross really nice things about "how special that was to wait" and that sort of thing. After he leaves, they call him a freak.
Now, as you may or may not know, I am a virgin. Yes, yes, I am. I'm not ashamed of it, but it's not really something I go around shouting to the hills and so-forth. Just makes me wonder about the times I have told people and they say nice things and sweet things and how it's going to be special and all that, if when I leave they say, "wow, that's really weird, I can't believe there are weirdo's like that around" or other possibly worse scenarios. My time is not yet, and I'm not looking to rush it, but I don't want to be considered a freak due to something I haven't done.
ANYhoo... that's a bit of a downer, and kind of a shot to the gut. I need to get my wind back now.
Just finished watching an episode of friends on TV. One from the first season. In this particular episode, Ross realizes that the day is the anniversary of his and his lesbian ex-wife's consummation... which was his first time ever. Later on Chandler and Joey are let in on this and they tell Ross really nice things about "how special that was to wait" and that sort of thing. After he leaves, they call him a freak.
Now, as you may or may not know, I am a virgin. Yes, yes, I am. I'm not ashamed of it, but it's not really something I go around shouting to the hills and so-forth. Just makes me wonder about the times I have told people and they say nice things and sweet things and how it's going to be special and all that, if when I leave they say, "wow, that's really weird, I can't believe there are weirdo's like that around" or other possibly worse scenarios. My time is not yet, and I'm not looking to rush it, but I don't want to be considered a freak due to something I haven't done.
ANYhoo... that's a bit of a downer, and kind of a shot to the gut. I need to get my wind back now.
My Horoscope for today
LEO
It surprises you to find out that some of the opinions you had up to this point might not be as set in stone as you previously thought. It isn't your intention to get into a political, religious or otherwise controversial conversation, but for some reason, you seem to draw people to you who are interested in doing that very thing. The strange thing is, once you take some time to digest their point of view, you find yourself agreeing with it despite the fact that it's the opposite of how you used to feel. You may not change your mind wholeheartedly, but there is definitely room for compromise.
The "stars" really don't know me at all, do they?
It surprises you to find out that some of the opinions you had up to this point might not be as set in stone as you previously thought. It isn't your intention to get into a political, religious or otherwise controversial conversation, but for some reason, you seem to draw people to you who are interested in doing that very thing. The strange thing is, once you take some time to digest their point of view, you find yourself agreeing with it despite the fact that it's the opposite of how you used to feel. You may not change your mind wholeheartedly, but there is definitely room for compromise.
The "stars" really don't know me at all, do they?
more The Onion News in Brief
Playground Treated To Hot Pug-On-Pug Action
PROVIDENCE, RI—Children playing on the swingsets at Waldo Street Tot Lot were treated to a raw, uncensored display of hot pug-on-pug action, sources reported Tuesday. "First the one doggy got behind the other doggy," said Andy Haupert, 6. "Then the first doggy tried to get on top of the other doggy while the other doggy tried to run away. It was really funny." The canine copulation has been the most talked-about animal-related playground incident since June, when a pigeon crapped all the way down the slide.
Bacon Good For You, Reports Best Scientist Ever
ROCHESTER, MN—Bacon, long believed to contribute to heart disease and obesity, possesses significant health benefits, according to a study released Monday by Dr. Albert Gruber, the best scientist ever. "My research has found that three strips of crispy, mouthwatering bacon every morning can actually reduce cholesterol and help slow the aging process," the awesome Gruber said. "What's more, the bacon's positive effects are enhanced when combined with milk shakes and/or marijuana." In 1997, Gruber, a Mayo Clinic cardiologist, was awarded nine Nobel Prizes in Medicine for discovering that frequent oral sex with models cures cancer.
Rookie Trucker Always On CB To Mother
LUBBOCK, TX—Two weeks into his new job driving an 18-wheeler for the Harper Red Line, trucker Billy Ray Coogan, 23, still talks frequently with his mother on his CB radio. "Breaker 1-9, Mother Hen, this here's Red Rooster, come on," said an obviously nervous Coogan. "Are you sand-bagging, Mother Hen? 'Cause the boss man's got me hauling a dead-head to Abilene, and I'm a little nervous. I...I could really use some company, 10-4." Coogan went on to say that if his mother would just say the word, he'd do a flip-flop and put the hammer down to be back home in the short-short, in time for dinner.
PROVIDENCE, RI—Children playing on the swingsets at Waldo Street Tot Lot were treated to a raw, uncensored display of hot pug-on-pug action, sources reported Tuesday. "First the one doggy got behind the other doggy," said Andy Haupert, 6. "Then the first doggy tried to get on top of the other doggy while the other doggy tried to run away. It was really funny." The canine copulation has been the most talked-about animal-related playground incident since June, when a pigeon crapped all the way down the slide.
Bacon Good For You, Reports Best Scientist Ever
ROCHESTER, MN—Bacon, long believed to contribute to heart disease and obesity, possesses significant health benefits, according to a study released Monday by Dr. Albert Gruber, the best scientist ever. "My research has found that three strips of crispy, mouthwatering bacon every morning can actually reduce cholesterol and help slow the aging process," the awesome Gruber said. "What's more, the bacon's positive effects are enhanced when combined with milk shakes and/or marijuana." In 1997, Gruber, a Mayo Clinic cardiologist, was awarded nine Nobel Prizes in Medicine for discovering that frequent oral sex with models cures cancer.
Rookie Trucker Always On CB To Mother
LUBBOCK, TX—Two weeks into his new job driving an 18-wheeler for the Harper Red Line, trucker Billy Ray Coogan, 23, still talks frequently with his mother on his CB radio. "Breaker 1-9, Mother Hen, this here's Red Rooster, come on," said an obviously nervous Coogan. "Are you sand-bagging, Mother Hen? 'Cause the boss man's got me hauling a dead-head to Abilene, and I'm a little nervous. I...I could really use some company, 10-4." Coogan went on to say that if his mother would just say the word, he'd do a flip-flop and put the hammer down to be back home in the short-short, in time for dinner.
Small Life to Big Screen :: Update
I'm thinking of changing the casting of my best friend Stephanie from Jennifer Connelly to this girl. The reason, I have just come to find out that she likes the smell of skunk. Any questions? Good.
I ripped this from a friend's blog... if you've already seen this, sorry, but I think it's worth repeating.
Pondering...
When you're with someone, they seem to always be on the phone or getting calls or making calls. But when you try to call them, you can't get a hold of them. Why is that?
Another of life's confusing mysteries.
Another of life's confusing mysteries.
Small Life to Big Screen - Take 3
4. Keanu Reeves is the closet in appearance to my friend Josh Paugh. And he's softer spoken much like many of Reeves characters.
5. Friend, Brian Stocks would be played by Vin Disel. They're both bad-a$$es and Brian kinda looked like Vin when his head was shaved.
5. Friend, Brian Stocks would be played by Vin Disel. They're both bad-a$$es and Brian kinda looked like Vin when his head was shaved.
Lighting Design Project - Summer 2004
I just got a call from the Artistic Director from Jenny Wiley Theatre. He called to ask about my interest for the up-coming summer season. He wanted to know if I was interested in Designing one of the shows. Of course I said, Yes. Unlike my designs in the past, this one will be the first that I'm actually paid specifically for. I'll be getting a designer's fee on top of my pay that I get for being the Master Electrician. Very exciting times! Very exciting!
The summer is too far away.
The summer is too far away.
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
Lighting Design Project I
We had a production meeting today for Other People's Money, a play being produced by Studio Players in Lexington. I feel like such a professional. This is actually going to be my first full design that's completely mine. I've designed lights previously at Jenny Wiley Theatre for Children's Productions and a talent show. My first design that I'm really proud of came this past summer when I was given the opportunity to design for a cabaret-style show called, "Hooray for Hollywood: An Evening of Song in Film". The number that brought down the house was the most fun to light... a song from the musical, "CHICAGO" ... the Cell Block Tango. JWT even put it as a publicity shot on their website. But for the cabaret, I used someone else's light plot and worked with that. For Studio Players... it's all mine!
I'm really excited, but my only question is how do I express that without sounding like I'm bragging or too proud? I don't think anyone else will be as excited as me, and a lot of people don't quite "get it" I guess. Maybe someone will and will pat me on the back a bit.
I'm really excited, but my only question is how do I express that without sounding like I'm bragging or too proud? I don't think anyone else will be as excited as me, and a lot of people don't quite "get it" I guess. Maybe someone will and will pat me on the back a bit.
Blog Update: News to Know
Hey everyone. It has been brought to my attention that some browsers may not view my page correctly. 800x600 screen resolutions will put half of my Left Side Bar stuff below the main post section. So, scroll on down to the bottom to check the rest of the stuff out, or change your screen resolution. Sorry, I don't know how to fix it any other way. Hello and thanks to everyone who's been commenting, and for everyone who's been reading. I hope you continue to enjoy.
Monday, December 01, 2003
Small Life to Big Screen - Take 2
3. Roomate Brian Ink would be played by Jim Carey. Two reasons... one: some of the faces Brian makes could only be accurately re-inacted by Jim Carey, and two: I think Jim could play just about anybody at any given time.
Small Life to Big Screen - Take 1
Okay, so I'm going to jump on the band wagon and try to cast my life as a movie. Here goes:
1. Ron Howard would play yours-truly, I get the most comments that I look like him, especially when I need a haircut and start wearing my hat all the time. Of course, he'd have to get a hair-piece. And that guy he's talking to would play "that one guy I talked to that one time".
2. My best friend, Stephanie would be played by one of the most beautiful and classy actresses that I've seen, Jennifer Connelly.
Hey, I even found one with us together. Okay, so it would have to be a slightly younger Ron Howard.
I'm stumped, any ideas for someone to play me?
1. Ron Howard would play yours-truly, I get the most comments that I look like him, especially when I need a haircut and start wearing my hat all the time. Of course, he'd have to get a hair-piece. And that guy he's talking to would play "that one guy I talked to that one time".
2. My best friend, Stephanie would be played by one of the most beautiful and classy actresses that I've seen, Jennifer Connelly.
Hey, I even found one with us together. Okay, so it would have to be a slightly younger Ron Howard.
I'm stumped, any ideas for someone to play me?
"The Onion" News In Brief
Hasbro Pledges Additional 30 Marbles For Hippo-Hunger Relief
PAWTUCKET, RI - With global famine worsening, Hasbro pledged an additional 30 white marbles Monday to hippo-hunger relief efforts. "To see those starving, starving hippos just lying there, not knowing if they will ever get another chance to click and clack for life-giving marbles ”it's too much for anyone to bear," Hasbro spokeswoman Lisa Reiderer said. "We cannot stand idly by while these sweet plastic creatures slowly die. It is up to all of us to get the most marbles for our hippos."
Couple Always Like This
QUINCY, MA - Longtime couple Scott Pfaff and Lisa Baumgartner have pretty much always been like this, sources close to the pair revealed Monday. "This is definitely no news-flash," said mutual friend Stacie Pritkin, who recently hosted a party during which the pair was at it as usual. "You hang out with those two, you learn to expect that sort of stuff." Said Pfaff's friend Mark Dohn: "I was at the mall with them once when they started getting like that - right in Radio Shack."
United States Toughens Image With Umlauts
WASHINGTON, DC - In a move designed to make the United States seem more "bad-assed and scary in a quasi-heavy-metal manner," Congress passed a bill Monday changing the nation's name to the United States of America. "Much like Motley Crue and Motorhead, the United States is not to be messed with," said Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK). An upcoming redesign of the American flag will feature the new name in burnished silver wrought in a jagged, gothic font and bolted to a black background. A new national anthem is also in the works, to be written by composer Glenn Danzig and tentatively titled "Howl Of The She-Demon."
(this one's not quite the same without the umlauts.. check it out here.)
PAWTUCKET, RI - With global famine worsening, Hasbro pledged an additional 30 white marbles Monday to hippo-hunger relief efforts. "To see those starving, starving hippos just lying there, not knowing if they will ever get another chance to click and clack for life-giving marbles ”it's too much for anyone to bear," Hasbro spokeswoman Lisa Reiderer said. "We cannot stand idly by while these sweet plastic creatures slowly die. It is up to all of us to get the most marbles for our hippos."
Couple Always Like This
QUINCY, MA - Longtime couple Scott Pfaff and Lisa Baumgartner have pretty much always been like this, sources close to the pair revealed Monday. "This is definitely no news-flash," said mutual friend Stacie Pritkin, who recently hosted a party during which the pair was at it as usual. "You hang out with those two, you learn to expect that sort of stuff." Said Pfaff's friend Mark Dohn: "I was at the mall with them once when they started getting like that - right in Radio Shack."
United States Toughens Image With Umlauts
WASHINGTON, DC - In a move designed to make the United States seem more "bad-assed and scary in a quasi-heavy-metal manner," Congress passed a bill Monday changing the nation's name to the United States of America. "Much like Motley Crue and Motorhead, the United States is not to be messed with," said Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK). An upcoming redesign of the American flag will feature the new name in burnished silver wrought in a jagged, gothic font and bolted to a black background. A new national anthem is also in the works, to be written by composer Glenn Danzig and tentatively titled "Howl Of The She-Demon."
(this one's not quite the same without the umlauts.. check it out here.)
Arby's must be running out of ideas. I guess there's really only so much you can do with Roast Beef.
Sunday, November 30, 2003
UPDATES, UPDATES, UPDATES!!!
In an effort to feel more comfortable with giving my blog address out to more people, I'm "lightening up". Also, I'm working on the layout and different things to make people want to come back and check it out. For pure and unmatched intellect and cleverness, visit Steph's or Patrick's blog (if you have the address). Maybe I'll come up with something good every now and then, though... you'll never know unless you come back. [GRIN]
In an effort to feel more comfortable with giving my blog address out to more people, I'm "lightening up". Also, I'm working on the layout and different things to make people want to come back and check it out. For pure and unmatched intellect and cleverness, visit Steph's or Patrick's blog (if you have the address). Maybe I'll come up with something good every now and then, though... you'll never know unless you come back. [GRIN]
Real Quotes from Real People... volume 1
"It's like butter and chocolate syrup."
- -Greg Chandler (describing how performances were good, just not good together)
- -Greg Chandler (describing how performances were good, just not good together)
PSA for the dorky
Announcer: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, YOU TOO, can look and feel cooler in less than seven days! That's right folks, in less than a week, you can feel on top of the world. All you have to do is rush out and get a truly awesome friend like this man has.
Scott: [obviously reading from a card] I am not an actor, I am an actual person who has an extraordinary friend. My secret is Stephanie. What's yours? [smiles a really big, dumb smile and looks straight into the camera]
Announcer: So go out, NOW, and hug a friend and thank them for showing you the error of YOUR ways.
Scott: [obviously reading from a card] I am not an actor, I am an actual person who has an extraordinary friend. My secret is Stephanie. What's yours? [smiles a really big, dumb smile and looks straight into the camera]
Announcer: So go out, NOW, and hug a friend and thank them for showing you the error of YOUR ways.
Holiday Traditions - Part 1
Thanksgiving: getting "stuffed" at dinner, grabbing some floor to watch the football game/take a nap, and then wrestling around with the little cousins.
Greatest TV Theme Songs of all time
TV theme songs get stuck in my head all the time... so it spawned this post:
1. Friends
2. Greatest American Hero
3. Gummy Bears
4. Cheers
5. MacGuyver
6. Charles in Charge
Any that I missed? I'm sure there are! Send me some! Maybe I'll add them to this list!
1. Friends
2. Greatest American Hero
3. Gummy Bears
4. Cheers
5. MacGuyver
6. Charles in Charge
Any that I missed? I'm sure there are! Send me some! Maybe I'll add them to this list!
Air Rage Granny Scrambles Fighters
Nov 26, 8:16 am ET
MIAMI (Reuters) - Fighter jets were scrambled at Miami airport on Tuesday after an elderly woman threw a fit on an American Airlines plane and flight attendants thought she would attack them, police said.
Reports said the woman was aged between 69 and 79.
"They said old," a police spokeswoman said, adding she could not confirm her precise age.
The pilot of flight AA-2133 with 126 passengers on board announced an emergency as a precaution shortly after taking off for Caracas, and fighter jets were scrambled to escort the plane back to Miami international airport.
The plane landed safely.
::: What is the world coming to when the elderly can't throw a simple fit on an airline any more!?! I mean, what happened to respect for the elderly, huh?!
MIAMI (Reuters) - Fighter jets were scrambled at Miami airport on Tuesday after an elderly woman threw a fit on an American Airlines plane and flight attendants thought she would attack them, police said.
Reports said the woman was aged between 69 and 79.
"They said old," a police spokeswoman said, adding she could not confirm her precise age.
The pilot of flight AA-2133 with 126 passengers on board announced an emergency as a precaution shortly after taking off for Caracas, and fighter jets were scrambled to escort the plane back to Miami international airport.
The plane landed safely.
::: What is the world coming to when the elderly can't throw a simple fit on an airline any more!?! I mean, what happened to respect for the elderly, huh?!
Saturday, November 29, 2003
Seeing family is great, especially around the holidays... the best just seems to come out in everyone. It makes my heart ache, though. I wish I could be closer, so I can see my little cousins growing up, and to be a bigger part of their lives. It also really makes me want to be at the poing where I'm married and settled down and have a kid or two that when they bump their head, they look to me to see if it's "supposed to hurt" or not, and if they realize it's supposed to, then they come running to me with arms open wide for comfort. Someone just running up to me and saying, "daddy".
Yeah. That would be nice.
Yeah. That would be nice.
Thursday, November 27, 2003
Happy Thanksgiving!
Alright, here's a list of just a few things I'm thankful for... feel free to comment with your own!
Salvation
My family
My best friend
Crossroads n' Gang!
My friends
Health
When I allow it ... my happiness
Salvation
My family
My best friend
Crossroads n' Gang!
My friends
Health
When I allow it ... my happiness
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
Eulogy for a PC
My computer has been on the verge of dying over the past week. The motherboard aparently is the problem. It's been moving a little bit slower than it used to. It can't run or play as much as it had. But I will remember all the good times. The jokes we used to share. The tears, the pain. The countless hours of e-mailing. And even blogging. Yes, my computer was a dear friend, and before it goes... I would just like to say...
WORK YOU STUPID PIECE OF CRAP!
Thank God for warranties and tech support!
...and roommates' computers.
My computer has been on the verge of dying over the past week. The motherboard aparently is the problem. It's been moving a little bit slower than it used to. It can't run or play as much as it had. But I will remember all the good times. The jokes we used to share. The tears, the pain. The countless hours of e-mailing. And even blogging. Yes, my computer was a dear friend, and before it goes... I would just like to say...
WORK YOU STUPID PIECE OF CRAP!
Thank God for warranties and tech support!
...and roommates' computers.
Re: Previous Blog
Sorry, I just needed to get that out. I tried to say something a couple times yesterday, but couldn't due to interuptions.
I'm not saying I don't care how I look, I like looking nice. I love it. I like getting compliments and stuff, that's all well and good. Here goes:
School... all of it. Scott not a popular guy. People who mostly make fun of him and put him down... the trendy people... the "cool" people. Scott didn't want to become like "them". And change can be a scary thing. I'm a fan of change to a degree... I find it exciting a lot of times, but people just have to understand that changing how I look after I've basically looked the same for 25 years.. is a big deal to me. I know to some people it's not a big deal. It kind of makes me feel self-conscious to think that people think I need to change. Whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. So please don't think that the previous blog was some maddening rant... it was not.
Oh, and about the "forget girls" part... I'd like to take that back. I want peace in my heart and in my mind, AND girls.
Sorry, I just needed to get that out. I tried to say something a couple times yesterday, but couldn't due to interuptions.
I'm not saying I don't care how I look, I like looking nice. I love it. I like getting compliments and stuff, that's all well and good. Here goes:
School... all of it. Scott not a popular guy. People who mostly make fun of him and put him down... the trendy people... the "cool" people. Scott didn't want to become like "them". And change can be a scary thing. I'm a fan of change to a degree... I find it exciting a lot of times, but people just have to understand that changing how I look after I've basically looked the same for 25 years.. is a big deal to me. I know to some people it's not a big deal. It kind of makes me feel self-conscious to think that people think I need to change. Whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. So please don't think that the previous blog was some maddening rant... it was not.
Oh, and about the "forget girls" part... I'd like to take that back. I want peace in my heart and in my mind, AND girls.
When did I become one of those people that cared about how I look? Who am I really trying to impress? Does it really matter HOW I look if I'm not comfortable with myself? Shouldn't be who I am that attracts people to me? (not necessarily meaning in a male-female dating kind of thing) I don't know. I just started becoming moderately comfortable with who I am... and now I'm changing. [sigh]
Forget girls, I just want peace in my heart and in my mind.
Forget girls, I just want peace in my heart and in my mind.
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
Monday, November 24, 2003
JWT - Christmas Carol
Actual Date: Sunday, November 23, 2003
Actual Time: 2:13am
Final entry from JWT/MAC gig.
Our final performance was tonight, and we struck the set and props and costumes afterwards while the actors went to eat. From the sound of it, it wasn't a GREAT deal of fun, but I don't think it was horrible. I really enjoyed my time here, one way or another. I met some really cool people. This is the part of this business that I dislike most of all. Saying good-byes to people I get to know and enjoy spending time with. I'm almost sad to go back to the real world. Not only have I made some new friends, but I've really connected and feel like I have some friends that previously were only bosses and supervisors to me. I have enjoyed their company immensely. I have really enjoyed working and feeling like I am doing something to work towards a goal, with a team. This show was something I was pretty proud of. I enjoy doing this. I'm tired of college. I can make money doing this, and I'm making contacts left and right. ARGH! Any advice? Any thoughts?
No? That's right, you're a computer.
Actual Time: 2:13am
Final entry from JWT/MAC gig.
Our final performance was tonight, and we struck the set and props and costumes afterwards while the actors went to eat. From the sound of it, it wasn't a GREAT deal of fun, but I don't think it was horrible. I really enjoyed my time here, one way or another. I met some really cool people. This is the part of this business that I dislike most of all. Saying good-byes to people I get to know and enjoy spending time with. I'm almost sad to go back to the real world. Not only have I made some new friends, but I've really connected and feel like I have some friends that previously were only bosses and supervisors to me. I have enjoyed their company immensely. I have really enjoyed working and feeling like I am doing something to work towards a goal, with a team. This show was something I was pretty proud of. I enjoy doing this. I'm tired of college. I can make money doing this, and I'm making contacts left and right. ARGH! Any advice? Any thoughts?
No? That's right, you're a computer.
JWT - Christmas Carol
Actual Date: Saturday, November 22, 2003
Actual Time: 4:27am
5 hours, 3 Doc Otis’, and 28 games of Bullshit later…
I had a great time. I need friends that I can just sit back and relax with every once in a while. I love going out and doing things, but I’m a very high-strung kind of person, and I need to really break myself out of that, it’s not a big “turn-on” for too many people. I really need to find people I can just sit back, shoot the bull, have a drink, and hang out with.
Where are you?
11:56am
I had a wonderful dream last night. I usually have really weird dreams that I remember or seemingly abstract or something absurd that is a reflection on what’s going on in my mind at the time… and this could be one of those dreams. But it was very straight forward. I had sex with this girl. It was very passionate… I don’t remember if I knew her or not (in real life), or if she was just some amalgamation of my subconscious. It was one of the best dreams I can remember having, and as I was in that fog moving from sleep to awake, I remember having this feeling of closeness with someone. Then as I came out of the fog I looked next to me… guess who was there!?
No one.
Not saying that I want to have sex right now or anything… just that I’d like to be with someone who cares as much about me as I do her. I know I have friends, and one really great one in particular, but I can’t get what I feel I need from them. Friendship goes a long way, and I believe that all relationships should try to build that first before making it anything else, but I guess I just want more of an intimacy with someone than I feel I can get from a friend… or am getting from friends. I don’t even mean in a physical sense, I don’t know, it’s a very abstract thing I’m trying to describe, but I can tell that it’s there and there’s a desire for something MORE.
Well, until then…
Sex dreams are the next best thing to actually doing it.
Actual Time: 4:27am
5 hours, 3 Doc Otis’, and 28 games of Bullshit later…
I had a great time. I need friends that I can just sit back and relax with every once in a while. I love going out and doing things, but I’m a very high-strung kind of person, and I need to really break myself out of that, it’s not a big “turn-on” for too many people. I really need to find people I can just sit back, shoot the bull, have a drink, and hang out with.
Where are you?
11:56am
I had a wonderful dream last night. I usually have really weird dreams that I remember or seemingly abstract or something absurd that is a reflection on what’s going on in my mind at the time… and this could be one of those dreams. But it was very straight forward. I had sex with this girl. It was very passionate… I don’t remember if I knew her or not (in real life), or if she was just some amalgamation of my subconscious. It was one of the best dreams I can remember having, and as I was in that fog moving from sleep to awake, I remember having this feeling of closeness with someone. Then as I came out of the fog I looked next to me… guess who was there!?
No one.
Not saying that I want to have sex right now or anything… just that I’d like to be with someone who cares as much about me as I do her. I know I have friends, and one really great one in particular, but I can’t get what I feel I need from them. Friendship goes a long way, and I believe that all relationships should try to build that first before making it anything else, but I guess I just want more of an intimacy with someone than I feel I can get from a friend… or am getting from friends. I don’t even mean in a physical sense, I don’t know, it’s a very abstract thing I’m trying to describe, but I can tell that it’s there and there’s a desire for something MORE.
Well, until then…
Sex dreams are the next best thing to actually doing it.
Sunday, November 23, 2003
Friday, November 21, 2003
JWT - Christmas Carol
The shows went much better yesterday than they did on Tuesday. In the evening I went to eat with a couple people at Applebee’s. The more times I come back to this theatre, the more I realize that the people here are kind of like my extended family. These people that work here aren’t JUST my co-workers and supervisors and bosses, but they are my friends, too. And, I think that people look forward to me coming back as much as I look forward to being back. I know someday that I’ll have to venture out and work other places, too. But I’d definitely like to think that I’ll always have a home here, at least as long as the current people are in charge are here.
11:55pm
Tonight’s show went well. We had a “first act” pre-show entertainment mini-stravaganza, where a few people sang Christmas songs and then a group of us did a small sketch and then performed a song and dance. The song was Bruce Springsteen’s version of “Santa Clause is Comin’ to Town”… it was great fun. People in the audience seemed to enjoy the cheesy background dancing and the overall package of the song. For tonight, my seven and a half minutes are gone… tomorrow is another day, and then, unfortunately, I’ll go back to being one of the unseen, unsung heroes of theatre.
I just wish…
11:55pm
Tonight’s show went well. We had a “first act” pre-show entertainment mini-stravaganza, where a few people sang Christmas songs and then a group of us did a small sketch and then performed a song and dance. The song was Bruce Springsteen’s version of “Santa Clause is Comin’ to Town”… it was great fun. People in the audience seemed to enjoy the cheesy background dancing and the overall package of the song. For tonight, my seven and a half minutes are gone… tomorrow is another day, and then, unfortunately, I’ll go back to being one of the unseen, unsung heroes of theatre.
I just wish…
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Just wanted to apologize for not being about to blog as much as I want to... but starting Sunday, that all changes! And look for a special "come-back" blog of immense proportions! or at least it's gonna be long. I've been saving up all my stories, rants, and raves for you, and can't wait to share them.
Bloggers... soon.
Bloggers... soon.
Yes, the sensation that is sweeping the blog-nation... I, too, have the ability to receive your comments. I now have THAT power! MUH ha muh HA... muh ha ha ha ha haaaaa....... No longer shall I be left in the dark about how YOU feel about my blog. Now the power is in YOUR hands as well as mine!!!!!! Viva all of blogdom! So feel free to browse the past blogs as well as the future ones and give me a little feed back. Thanks!
Too over the top? Surely not.
Too over the top? Surely not.
JWT - Christmas Carol
Actual Date: Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Actual TIme: 6:58pm
What a great day! I slept until noon, watched a whole disc of FRIENDS episodes, went to rehearse a sketch for an hour, bought a few groceries, and then came home. NO WORK INVOLVED!
7:45pm
I’ve really been enjoying my time here… well, for the most part. I’ve not been miserable by any means, just been losing sleep. I’ve met some really cool people and I’ve enjoyed visiting with some old friends. I miss people and things back home, though. Which brings me to a very scary thought. What happens when I graduate? Am I trying to hold on to school because I don’t want to leave my friends? The comfort and assurance, the confidence and strength I’ve gained from these people is enough to get me through tomorrow, and knowing that I’ll see them soon, re-energizes all those things in me. I want to be me, no matter where I am, and know that I have a support group of some sort to be there for me when I need it.
11:19pm
I meet all kinds of neat, fun, smart people. People who I have a lot in common with (but not too much)…. But why with all these people can I not meet her?
Actual TIme: 6:58pm
What a great day! I slept until noon, watched a whole disc of FRIENDS episodes, went to rehearse a sketch for an hour, bought a few groceries, and then came home. NO WORK INVOLVED!
7:45pm
I’ve really been enjoying my time here… well, for the most part. I’ve not been miserable by any means, just been losing sleep. I’ve met some really cool people and I’ve enjoyed visiting with some old friends. I miss people and things back home, though. Which brings me to a very scary thought. What happens when I graduate? Am I trying to hold on to school because I don’t want to leave my friends? The comfort and assurance, the confidence and strength I’ve gained from these people is enough to get me through tomorrow, and knowing that I’ll see them soon, re-energizes all those things in me. I want to be me, no matter where I am, and know that I have a support group of some sort to be there for me when I need it.
11:19pm
I meet all kinds of neat, fun, smart people. People who I have a lot in common with (but not too much)…. But why with all these people can I not meet her?
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
JWT - Christmas Carol
Actual Date: Tuesday, November 18, 2003
Actual Time: 11:15m
People miss me… really?
I always envisioned that, if my life were a T.V. sit-com, I would play the part of a minor character, most likely comic relief and the kind of character that just kind of tagged along with the main characters and made a joke every now and then.
It’s nice to feel wanted. I like that feeling. I hope it happens again.
Actual Time: 11:15m
People miss me… really?
I always envisioned that, if my life were a T.V. sit-com, I would play the part of a minor character, most likely comic relief and the kind of character that just kind of tagged along with the main characters and made a joke every now and then.
It’s nice to feel wanted. I like that feeling. I hope it happens again.
No sleep, only a few minutes to jot down a couple of my thoughts before I need to work some more.
I felt like I wanted to cry tonight. This job is SO incredibly difficult. Anyone who thinks they can do it better are welcome to try, and I'm sure they'll succeed. I suck at this. I'm no good. If I could equate a smell to how badly I stink, it would be the middle of a sewer surrounded by skunks drinking curdled-past-expiration-date milk. Please God, PLEASE! Get me through this. I know it will be great, in spite of me. Please watch over us as we go through the show tomorrow morning and all week, and help ensure safety and peace amongst the company. And give me patience. With everyone... especially now that I've been running on very little sleep for the past three days... and I hope that people I may have talked to realize that I'm under a lot of pressure and frustrated, and aren't too hard on me for some way that I may have treated them. I just want to do a good job, and have a little fun while doing it. njbfdhgjb .... sorry, my head hit the keyboard, but I can't go to sleep because I don't think I'll wake up in time, or I won't be worth ANYthing. ARGH!!!!!!!
Restless days, and sleepless nights.
I felt like I wanted to cry tonight. This job is SO incredibly difficult. Anyone who thinks they can do it better are welcome to try, and I'm sure they'll succeed. I suck at this. I'm no good. If I could equate a smell to how badly I stink, it would be the middle of a sewer surrounded by skunks drinking curdled-past-expiration-date milk. Please God, PLEASE! Get me through this. I know it will be great, in spite of me. Please watch over us as we go through the show tomorrow morning and all week, and help ensure safety and peace amongst the company. And give me patience. With everyone... especially now that I've been running on very little sleep for the past three days... and I hope that people I may have talked to realize that I'm under a lot of pressure and frustrated, and aren't too hard on me for some way that I may have treated them. I just want to do a good job, and have a little fun while doing it. njbfdhgjb .... sorry, my head hit the keyboard, but I can't go to sleep because I don't think I'll wake up in time, or I won't be worth ANYthing. ARGH!!!!!!!
Restless days, and sleepless nights.
Sunday, November 16, 2003
Crunch time. Waking up at 9:00am and working until 1:30am.... what the heck am I thinking everytime I work in this business. The week before a show opens is crazy and more hours than there are in a day are required to get the show up and running. Now I'm trying to find a tiny bit of social time. I think there's something about this business to make you forget the bad times and remember the good times, or think the bad times ARE good times... or something else, I don't know really. Fortunately, I love it. And I'm very much looking forward to Tuesday. The show opens and there's nothing else to be done. I'll be finished. Then I can relax and enjoy the rest of my time here and enjoy the company. Now, I'm trying to unwind a little bit before I can go to bed. But, I don't think I'll be getting much sleep tonight since I need to be up and working by 9:00am. SUCK. Anyway... at this particular moment, I'm pretty miserable.
Friday, November 14, 2003
JWT - Christmas Carol
Actual Date: Friday, November 14, 2003
Actual Time: 11:22am
I HATE DOING PROPS! I love working with them on stage… but being a properties person is NOT what I want to do. It’s okay for a little while, but I get REALLY bored of it REALLY quickly. I’m SO tired of shopping. ARGH!
Actual Time: 11:22am
I HATE DOING PROPS! I love working with them on stage… but being a properties person is NOT what I want to do. It’s okay for a little while, but I get REALLY bored of it REALLY quickly. I’m SO tired of shopping. ARGH!
Thursday, November 13, 2003
JWT - Christmas Carol
Actual Date: Thursday, November 13, 2003
Actual Time: 10:34am
I haven’t written anything in the past couple of days. Nothing good has really happened. Nor has anything bad… so I guess I’m thankful for that. The best thing was that I finally got to talk to my friend. I have this weird empty feeling inside me. I can’t describe it other than that. God, help me to fill this weird empty feeling.
Actual Time: 10:34am
I haven’t written anything in the past couple of days. Nothing good has really happened. Nor has anything bad… so I guess I’m thankful for that. The best thing was that I finally got to talk to my friend. I have this weird empty feeling inside me. I can’t describe it other than that. God, help me to fill this weird empty feeling.
Monday, November 10, 2003
JWT - Christmas Carol
Actual Date: Monday, November 10, 2003
Actual Time: 12:45am
My friend called me a couple of times today. I missed her call. I miss her. She sounded half-way between good and not-good. When I say that, I mean I think she was trying to sound brave so I don’t worry about her too much. My phone dies after two phone calls here where I’m working. I’m in the mountains and signal is kind of a hit or miss situation. Man, when I heard her voice, it was SO awesome. I couldn’t help but smile, even though I’m worried about her. So, now, I’m sitting here, watching Friends, thinking of my friend, and writing in my blog (which won’t be published until I can get a hold of an internet connection). I hate being away during this time. Let me clarify… I’m not having a bad time here at all… I just really miss my chosen family, and my church family… and my best friend. I missed it especially yesterday… I didn’t get to go to church. Wow. I really love church, and I love going to church, it’s not a chore like it used to be for me when I was growing up.
1:10am
I feel like I’m running away. I feel like I had a break-through with a past feeling (or lack thereof) and now I’m nowhere near anyone who I feel comfortable with to help me or talk about it. I don’t want to bother a particular friend, because they are going through a rough time right now. I feel like I’m back-peddling. I’ve come so far with my emotions and with myself and how I feel, that I don’t want to mess any of that stuff up… and I don’t want to disappoint anyone by backsliding and slipping. I’m a very happy person right now, and I don’t want to ruin it. I may be sounding like a I’m speaking a bunch of non-sense, but this stuff is all kind of jumbled in my head. Anyway, I need to sleep. Hopefully, I will.
9:45pm
Went to see Brother Bear tonight. I enjoyed it, but it was lacking. When the movie was over, I didn’t feel like anything happened, it felt a lot like an extended music video for three or four Phil Collins songs… with the some comic relief Moose plopped in. Disney is starting to reach… and they’ve used their same formula for way too long. At least this one wasn’t a tired love story where boy meets girl, but girl doesn’t like boy, or is out of reach of boy, or is evil. Then girl meets boy and falls for him, but then something happens to make one of them think wrongly of the other… yadda yadda yadda. It wasn’t a complete waste of an hour an a half, but I’d wait for it to come out on video, if I were you.
9:55pm
Friend… where are you? I’m using my powers of telepathy to urge you to call me. No reason other than to talk.
Actual Time: 12:45am
My friend called me a couple of times today. I missed her call. I miss her. She sounded half-way between good and not-good. When I say that, I mean I think she was trying to sound brave so I don’t worry about her too much. My phone dies after two phone calls here where I’m working. I’m in the mountains and signal is kind of a hit or miss situation. Man, when I heard her voice, it was SO awesome. I couldn’t help but smile, even though I’m worried about her. So, now, I’m sitting here, watching Friends, thinking of my friend, and writing in my blog (which won’t be published until I can get a hold of an internet connection). I hate being away during this time. Let me clarify… I’m not having a bad time here at all… I just really miss my chosen family, and my church family… and my best friend. I missed it especially yesterday… I didn’t get to go to church. Wow. I really love church, and I love going to church, it’s not a chore like it used to be for me when I was growing up.
1:10am
I feel like I’m running away. I feel like I had a break-through with a past feeling (or lack thereof) and now I’m nowhere near anyone who I feel comfortable with to help me or talk about it. I don’t want to bother a particular friend, because they are going through a rough time right now. I feel like I’m back-peddling. I’ve come so far with my emotions and with myself and how I feel, that I don’t want to mess any of that stuff up… and I don’t want to disappoint anyone by backsliding and slipping. I’m a very happy person right now, and I don’t want to ruin it. I may be sounding like a I’m speaking a bunch of non-sense, but this stuff is all kind of jumbled in my head. Anyway, I need to sleep. Hopefully, I will.
9:45pm
Went to see Brother Bear tonight. I enjoyed it, but it was lacking. When the movie was over, I didn’t feel like anything happened, it felt a lot like an extended music video for three or four Phil Collins songs… with the some comic relief Moose plopped in. Disney is starting to reach… and they’ve used their same formula for way too long. At least this one wasn’t a tired love story where boy meets girl, but girl doesn’t like boy, or is out of reach of boy, or is evil. Then girl meets boy and falls for him, but then something happens to make one of them think wrongly of the other… yadda yadda yadda. It wasn’t a complete waste of an hour an a half, but I’d wait for it to come out on video, if I were you.
9:55pm
Friend… where are you? I’m using my powers of telepathy to urge you to call me. No reason other than to talk.
Sunday, November 09, 2003
JWT - Christmas Carol
Actual Date: Sunday, November 09, 2003
Actual Time: 11:08am
I had to exert some authority yesterday in rehearsals. People in the hall were being REALLY loud while we were working on a quieter scene of the show. I had to go out FIVE TIMES to tell them to try to keep it down. Not the fun part of this job at all. Other than that, it didn’t go too bad. We were missing a couple of actors due to conflicts, and started about 40-50 minutes late due to an actor’s late arrival, but Scott did a great job of making up the time, and we were out of there on time. Not too shabby.
11:22am
I miss my friend. I hope she’s doing okay.
Actual Time: 11:08am
I had to exert some authority yesterday in rehearsals. People in the hall were being REALLY loud while we were working on a quieter scene of the show. I had to go out FIVE TIMES to tell them to try to keep it down. Not the fun part of this job at all. Other than that, it didn’t go too bad. We were missing a couple of actors due to conflicts, and started about 40-50 minutes late due to an actor’s late arrival, but Scott did a great job of making up the time, and we were out of there on time. Not too shabby.
11:22am
I miss my friend. I hope she’s doing okay.
Saturday, November 08, 2003
JWT - Christmas Carol
Actual Date: Saturday, November 08, 2003
Actual Time: 1:50am
Day One: Started working today, my first order of business was to call all the actors to remind them of rehearsal and where it was. Man I hate phones. I don’t mind talking to people on the phone, but I hate trying to get a hold of 25 different people to make sure they’ll be somewhere at sometime. Other than that, we had a production meeting, and then had the first read through… all the actors arrived on time. The read through went well, and some of the cast were going to Applebee’s to eat (and drink a little) afterwards. We hung out and had a great time. But alas it is now time for bed… too bad I have to do some paperwork first. Maybe I’ll get some sleep. Anyway, I’m outta here.
11:45 am
I can’t help thinking about my friend and how she’s doing.
11:50 am
I need this time away. I’m glad I’m here. I needed to be around some people who aren’t in the middle of some kind of struggle. I feel bad for feeling that way… but I know it’s something I needed. Sometimes I think God doesn’t really have a particular schedule for things, and sometimes, I think He plans everything out to the last detail. I would’ve felt even worse if it had happened while I was here. I’m glad He let me be there for her. Well, that’s all the personal time I get for today, time to work.
Actual Time: 1:50am
Day One: Started working today, my first order of business was to call all the actors to remind them of rehearsal and where it was. Man I hate phones. I don’t mind talking to people on the phone, but I hate trying to get a hold of 25 different people to make sure they’ll be somewhere at sometime. Other than that, we had a production meeting, and then had the first read through… all the actors arrived on time. The read through went well, and some of the cast were going to Applebee’s to eat (and drink a little) afterwards. We hung out and had a great time. But alas it is now time for bed… too bad I have to do some paperwork first. Maybe I’ll get some sleep. Anyway, I’m outta here.
11:45 am
I can’t help thinking about my friend and how she’s doing.
11:50 am
I need this time away. I’m glad I’m here. I needed to be around some people who aren’t in the middle of some kind of struggle. I feel bad for feeling that way… but I know it’s something I needed. Sometimes I think God doesn’t really have a particular schedule for things, and sometimes, I think He plans everything out to the last detail. I would’ve felt even worse if it had happened while I was here. I’m glad He let me be there for her. Well, that’s all the personal time I get for today, time to work.
Thursday, November 06, 2003
JWT - Christmas Carol
Actual Date: Thursday, November 6, 2003
Actual Time: 11:58 pm
Christmas Carol Gig – Arrival
Well, I’m all settled in here, at my home for the next two weeks. I arrived at about 4:45 and got to see some old friends. Scott B. and I talked a little about what I’ll be doing, and we took a quick drive over to the MAC to check out the set. Then we went back to the office and I headed to the housing. This is really going to be weird, I’m used to the housing being packed with people… but only one of the three cabins are being used at all. And there’s only going to be 7 people living here. Four are actors, one is me, and the other two won’t arrive for another week. Very odd. On an interesting note, I got to visit with a friend from two or three years ago, Beth Brandel. We talked for a couple of hours just about all kinds of things. It was fun. I went grocery shopping and believe that I bought enough food for the whole two weeks that I’m here. Tomorrow I start work, I’m a little nervous. I’ve Stage Managed before, but that was a college production, and it was cake, nothing to it. We’ll see how this rates in comparison. Good night.
Actual Time: 11:58 pm
Christmas Carol Gig – Arrival
Well, I’m all settled in here, at my home for the next two weeks. I arrived at about 4:45 and got to see some old friends. Scott B. and I talked a little about what I’ll be doing, and we took a quick drive over to the MAC to check out the set. Then we went back to the office and I headed to the housing. This is really going to be weird, I’m used to the housing being packed with people… but only one of the three cabins are being used at all. And there’s only going to be 7 people living here. Four are actors, one is me, and the other two won’t arrive for another week. Very odd. On an interesting note, I got to visit with a friend from two or three years ago, Beth Brandel. We talked for a couple of hours just about all kinds of things. It was fun. I went grocery shopping and believe that I bought enough food for the whole two weeks that I’m here. Tomorrow I start work, I’m a little nervous. I’ve Stage Managed before, but that was a college production, and it was cake, nothing to it. We’ll see how this rates in comparison. Good night.
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
Thank You God! For helping me to realize that something was broken and needs mending. Thank You for overwhelming my heart today as I left the funeral home, and thank You for my heart. Thank You for my loyalty and my devotion to helping out a friend when they really need it most (or at least appears to me that they need it). I couldn't have been who I am without You. Or with out your help, friend.
- "Love. True Love. Love is what brings us together today."
- Love. Isn't it grand? Isn't it lovely? Isn't it wonderful? Doesn't it just make you want to sing? Doesn't it feel like you're floating?
Just when you feel like you've gotten away from it, and you're used to being alone... that stupid baby in a diaper with the little bow and arrows shoot everyone around you BUT you.
Doesn't it just make you sick?
- Love. Isn't it grand? Isn't it lovely? Isn't it wonderful? Doesn't it just make you want to sing? Doesn't it feel like you're floating?
Just when you feel like you've gotten away from it, and you're used to being alone... that stupid baby in a diaper with the little bow and arrows shoot everyone around you BUT you.
Doesn't it just make you sick?
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Monday, November 03, 2003
I just ran out of gas again for the third time in my life. What a moron. I had just left my friend's house on a quest to run a few errands. My gas gauge read about an eighth of a tank... the idiot light had not turned on. I was driving down the bypass when my car wouldn't quite pick-up-and-go. It started to kind of sputter, and suddenly a couple of lights lit up on my dash console, and it became difficult to apply pressure to the brakes and to turn the steering wheel. The realization hit me, I was out of gas. I had the forethought to scan the road really quick and see how far away any gas stations were. I had just passed three and was coming upon a fourth. Fortunately, I had enough momentum to be able to coast into a Shell station on the right. God was really watching out for me, because there was no traffic between me and the station. I coasted up next to the pump perfectly, tugging at the steering wheel for it to obey my command, and mashing down on the brake pedal as hard as I could to make my car completely stop. I don't think anyone was the wiser, so the experience wasn't as bad or embarassing as my other two times had been. THe only bad part is I knew how my gas gauge works, and I ignored it... I tried to push my car to the limits, and it finally gave and I did NOt triumph... except that I made it to the station before it completely stopped moving. Would't that be funny if I had to call my friend who I've been comforting and being with, to come and help me now... how worthless would that have made me feel... heh.
Life cracks me up.
Life cracks me up.
Lord, about 30 minutes ago, you eased the pain of one of your children and welcomed him into your arms. Show him around, and help to ease the pain of those that remain. Don't leave them, now. Lord, please. Stay with them. Wrap your huge loving embrace around the Seales family and squeeze with all your might. Please continue to help me through this time as well. It kills me to see my friend sad, although I know it is a normal part of this process. Give me strong arms, a strong heart, and a wise mind. Lord, You are great. I know Steph's dad is up there cracking jokes with my dad, and having a good time. Tell them that a lot of people miss them, and that we'll see them soon. Dad, take Melvin and have a great time... tell him about time the snake that grabbed your leg. I bet he'd appreciate that. Lord, we know this should be a happy time, and a time of rejoicing, but it's difficult for us to think of it that way. Our selfish hearts don't want to let go of people as the leave this world. Jesus, I just ask you to ease their hearts, and help Stephanie and Doris to remember the good times and think of him when he was full of life, and not cry because it's over, but smile for the time they got to spend with him. In your loving name. Amen.
My friend tonight told me that she was impressed with me. I was kind of taken back. Later I asked her, in a joking kind of way to explain, and it was just how I was facing a lot of fears by being there with her for this particular instance. She said she was proud of me. That means a lot to me. God really knows what he's doing, I guess. He takes the most unlikely things and uses them for His glory and to help us through things, or for us to help others through things, and by which, we gain unrequested rewards ourselves. I'm glad that it's happening, but even if it didn't, I'd still do what I've been doing. I don't know what else to do, but I AM going to be there for her. She's an amazing person, and I want to see her soar.
Sunday, November 02, 2003
Tonight, for the first time, I cried with my friend. Not about her, or for her, or around her... but with her. I've always felt like I had to stay strong for people, but tonight in the midst of prayer and seeing and hearing her cry, I bawled my eyes out. I felt very clensed afterwards, and a little foolish. This isn't about me, and I felt like I needed support instead of being support. When I got into my car on the way home, I drove in the rain, but of course no one else was getting wet, just me... my eyes were pouring.
Today was a very awesome day. I woke up, got breakfast for a friend and I, took it to her, and hung out with her for a little bit. Then some more people showed up and we all spent the day raking leaves at her parent's house. Her father is very sick and her mother has been too preoccupied with him to be able to take care of their yard (understandable). Then we came inside and had a little bit of a dinner, and I came home to shower so I could meet up with a friend of mine from High School (Jason) and his wife. We've lived in the same city for about a year now, and this is the first time we're getting together... sad, huh? Well, we had a blast. When I got there, Kat (short for Kathryn) had made taco-type stuff for dinner, so we enjoyed that while talking a little bit... then the games commenced! We played cards like crazy, and like it was going out of style. We played an interesting game called "Unexploded Cow"... you really have to play it to understand it, and then we played "Spoons" and then Egyptian Rat Screw, which I had not played since High School in band class on days our director was sick or decided to give us a break, etc. Then we watched a movie to enjoy his new surround sound system. The second Matrix movie. Unfortunately, by this time it was 11:00 and I was a little tired from the days events so I dozed on and off during the movie... thankfully, I'd seen it before. The movie ended, I said my departing good-byes, and came home, and here I am now, typing in my blog. Good blog. Safe blog. Well, gotta go to bed to get some sleep. Tomorrow's another busy day.
I don't want to be a "man's man". I don't think I even want to be a "guy's guy". Sometimes I don't want to be "the guy who is fun to have around sometimes, and is sort of okay". I don't want a girlfriend, I want something deeper, something more substantial. I don't want to be the guy who meets someone and drops off the radar to everyone he cares for. I don't want to be a bad friend. I don't want to be a bad son. I don't want to surround myself with negative people. I want to be able to look at someone and know that they care, to be able to see it in their eyes, or in their body language, or to just hear them say it. I want to know that everything is going to be all right, or at least it's on the right track. I want to feel like I'm me, no matter what I'm doing or who I'm with. I want to touch someone's soul with merely a word or maybe two. I want to make a difference in the lives of the people around me. I don't want to be forgotten.
No. Nothing's wrong.
No. Nothing's wrong.
Saturday, November 01, 2003
I have a really amazing friend. One who doesn't even know it, but she's cheering me up and giving me more confidence as I type this. She is an amazing person, but unfortunately, no matter how many times I tell her that, and reassure her of it, one person can come along and in one swift motion make her doubt most everything about herself. I love my friendship with her, because even as I help her, she (unknowingly, more than likely) is helping me along the way. Experience is a great teacher, but there are somethings that I'd rather learn from others experiences, and so I look to my friends, especially this one, and ask questions and just observe her in life. If I could, I would totally and completely learn everything for myself and go through the pain if it meant that she wouldn't have to. She is kind, honest, caring, funny, beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, and loving. I love her. She is my sister. She is inspiration. She is an asset. She is my confidant. And she is my best friend. I wouldn't want to be walking through life without her right now... or ever. I thank God for the great gift of her presence in my life... and through her I can see Him working in so many glorious ways. God is an amazing sculptor of my life... and thankfully he put us somewhere in the kiln together.
I never want to be without her friendship.
I never want to be without her friendship.
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